Muslim Humor - Muslim Jokes
By Bernie on 25 Sep 2006
I have taken it upon myself to supply the world with more Muslim jokes. It goes without saying that Muslims are perhaps the least humorous folk on Earth; whereas Jews have learned to laugh at themselves, even turning that laughter into a business: Vaudeville.
When I was growing up, my father never failed to tell me at least three jokes a day, most of them involving Jews and their eccentricities, customs, and travails. I'd like to continue that long tradition of Jews telling jokes, but with Muslims as the butt of the joke. You can't be civilized until you can laugh at yourself.
Perhaps in this way, someday, even radical fundamentalist Muslims may find themselves laughing. In fact, it would do my heart good to hear that a billion Muslims laughed themselves to death.
Many of these are probably in poor taste, to which I say tough camel titties.
Q: What do female Muslims use for birth control?
A: Their faces. [See photo above.]
Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and a dead horse?
A. It's no fun beating a dead horse.
Q. What's the difference between an American BBQ and an Islamic BBQ?
A. In America, Humans roast animals over a fire. In Islam, it's the other way around.
Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump?
A. "Having car trouble?"
Q. What's the difference between Cindy Sheehan and a terrorist enemy?
A. I don't know either.
Q. What's the difference between Michael Moore and a one ton CARE package?
A. Michael Moore, if sliced real thin, can feed a larger Afghan village.
A Pakistani comes to America and begins working for the ACLU but is unfamiliar with American advances in toiletry. On his first day on the job he comes back from the men's room saying he can't find any hole in the ground. His boss explains how American plumbing works and sends the Pakistani back.
A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream shakes the office walls. His boss runs into the bathroom to investigate why he's screaming.
The Pakistani replies, "I am just sitting here on the toilet like you instructed to do and every time I am making to flush, something comes up and squeezes dearly on my poor testicles."
His boss looks at what he's sitting on and says, "You idiot. You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
A Muslim father catches his son masturbating. He says, "Don't do that my son, or Allah will strike you blind." The child says, "Abu, I'm over here."
Q: How do you get a Muslim woman pregnant?
A: Dress her up as a goat.
Did you hear the one about the Muslim who won a Nobel Prize in Mathematics?
Neither did I.
Q. How many muslims does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. What's toilet paper?
Q. What do Muslim men do during foreplay?
A. Tickle the goat under the chin.
Here are a few tasteless jokes even al-Qaeda can appreciate:
Q. How many Muslim extremists will it take to destroy America?
A. None, American Liberals can do it all by themselves, thank you.
Did you hear about the prostitute who came out of a bar and was stoned? She didn't survive.
Did you hear about the greatest bash they ever had in Bali? Everyone was bombed. (this last one makes Bin Laden roll on the floor, piss in his robe, and kiss his goat)
Mohammed heard one of his wives was leaving him, so he rushed home where he found her on the carpet in front of the tent with her belongings; he sat beside her and said, “I heard you were planning to leave me?”
She replied, “Yes, I heard your other wives saying you were a pedophile!”
Mohammed thinks for a minute or so and then responds, “that's a mighty big word for a 6 year old."
Q. How did the Muslim adulteress cross the road?
A. She was dragged by her feet, kicking and screaming, then she was stoned to death by a baying lynch-mob of brainwashed psychopaths.
Q. Did you hear the one about the violent 53 year-old paedophile?
A. Yes. He is revered by one fifth of the world's population as the one who started the world's most intolerant, repressive, misogynistic and violent religion.
For some Palestinian jokes see Gates of Vienna.
[Click on image(s) for larger view]
For more of my articles like this see Humor, -Muslim Jokes, Islam
Comments
Say what you want, as long as it's on topic, I can take it. My Comment Policy can be read HERE.
To upload a new avatar click on the default avatar.
To add your blog URL click on the FROM button.
Subscribe to comments feed
TrackBacks from Old System
- Gitmo Detainees Love Harry Potter from 123beta
Terrorists held captive at this U.S. military base are confined to small cells, but their minds can wander far and wide by reading philosophy, history, murder mysteries and even Harry Potter. [Read More]Tracked on September 25, 2006 06:59 PM
Comments from Old Comment System
- Bernie, I owe you two or three tb's. As soon as the servers stop acting up I'll send them...
- Mohammad and Al'Lah walk into a mosque. You would think one of them would have seen it.
- Indigo Red, Subtle, but funny.
- Seriously, stick to your day job; Your obviously all ignorant and extremely uneducated.You can learn from this: What do you see when you look at me Do you see someone limited, or someone free All some people can do is just look and stare Simply because they can't see my hair Others think I am controlled and uneducated They think that I am limited and un-liberated They are so thankful that they are not me Because they would like to remain 'free' Well free isn't exactly the word I would've used Describing women who are cheated on and abused They think that I do not have opinions or voice They think that being hooded isn't my choice They think that the hood makes me look caged That my husband or dad are totally outraged All they can do is look at me in fear And in my eye there is a tear Not because I have been stared at or made fun of But because people are ignoring the One up above On the day of judgment they will be the fools Because they were too ashamed to play by their own rules Maybe the guys won't think I am a cutie But at least I am filled with more inner beauty See I have declined from being a guy's toy Because I won't let myself be controlled by a boy Real men are able to appreciate my mind And aren't busy looking at my behind Hooded girls are the ones really helping the Muslim cause The role that we play definitely deserves applause I will be recognized because I am smart and bright And because some people are inspired by my sight The smart ones are attracted by my tranquility In the back of their mind they wish they were me We have the strength to do what we think is right Even if it means putting up a life long fight You see we are not controlled by a mini skirt and tight shirt We are given only respect, and never treated like dirt So you see, we are the ones that are free and liberated We are not the ones that are sexually terrorized and violated We are the ones that are free and pure We're free of STD's that have no cure So when people ask you how you feel about the hood Just sum it up by saying, 'Baby its all good'
Comment by: Butch on September 25, 2006 01:02 AM
Comment by: Indigo Red ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://plancksconstant.org/nav-commenters.gif)
on September 25, 2006 01:46 PM
Comment by: bernie on September 25, 2006 02:06 PM
Comment by: ProudMuslim on January 10, 2007 11:40 PM
You may republish any content from Planck's Constant and use it for any non-commercial purpose without needing my permission as long as you link back to the original article.
Read my License.
