Upurassibub Threatens to Kill Pope over Anti-Islamic Remarks

During his address at the University of Regensburg on Tuesday, Pope Benedict quoted 14th-century Byzantine emperor Manuel II Paleologus that Mohammed's command to spread Islam by the Sword was "evil and inhuman". Those remarks have rattled the swords of Muslim throughout the world.

muslims protesting pope's remarksMuslim protesters shouting, "We don't know what a pope is, or who he is, but he misrepresents Islam and must die, we are not ignorant and violent."

In Syria, the grand mufti, was mift (No relation to the Islamic organization Mothers I feather and tar). The mufti, the country's top Sunni Muslim religious authority, sent a letter-bomb to the pope saying he feared the pontiff's comments on Islam would worsen interfaith relations, AP reported.

In Gaza City, Palestinian Prime Minister Ismail Haniya issued a condemnation, saying Benedict's remarks "are not true and defamed the essence of this holy religion and it defamed the history of the Islam. We only converted those journalists with a gun, no sword was used."

Muslim Brotherhood Chairman Mohammed Mahdi Akef also expressed anger over the pope's academic speech. "The pope's statements come to add fuel to fire and trigger anger within the Muslim world and show that the West with its politicians and clerics are hostile to Islam while we are a peaceful and tolerant and misunderstood religion. I have therefore issued a fatwa against the pope but only for a beheading, no torture or burning of the body to show that we can be gentle and tolerant due to his being a major cleric of the Christian dogs."

Meanwhile Upurassibub President Abdul Bin Goatfakkir has issued the following threat: "Because the Pope has chosen to call us evil and inhuman, we are extending the threat of death from Infidel dogs to Infidel cats as well. Any Christian cats found praying in the country of Upurassibub will be shot."

Muslims threaten cats

It is quite obvious that Muslims can't handle the Truth.

Since these remarks caused tumult throughout the world I thought perhaps a little humor would release some tensions, so here is a Muslim joke to brighten your day:

Two Muslim families move into the United States from Afghanistan. Upon arrival in Jersey City they make a bet as to which family will become more American in one year.

A year later they meet to compare experiences to see which family won.

The first Muslim said: "Yesterday my son went to a baseball game, my wife bought a nice dress at K-Mart and I just finished a hamburger from McDonald's"

The second said: "Shut the f*ck up, Towelhead!"

And to those who want me to give equal time, here is a Pope joke:

Pope BenedictA woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked
her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand; I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh really! What'd he say?"

He said: "Where'd you get the shitty hairdo?"

On the serious side, Captain's Quarters explains The Pope's Real Threat to Muslims, Excerpt:

All this has shown is that Muslims missed the point of the speech, and in fact have endeavored to fulfill Benedict's warnings rather than prove him wrong. If one reads the speech at Regensburg, the entire speech, one understands that the entire point was to reject violence in pursuing religion in any form, be it Islam, Christianity, Judaism, or Bahai. The focal point of the speech was not the recounting of the debate between Manuel II and the unnamed Persian, but rather the rejection of reason and of God that violence brings...


by Imam Abu Hakmed Mahmood Al Haj

Allah is ever peaceful, ever merciful. This last week, after I was done raping my Filipino housekeeper, I learned that the supreme worshiper of the cross, the great infidel Pope Benedict, quoted a medieval Byzantine Emperor in saying that Islam is not the religion of peace, but is in fact a violent and evil death cult spread by intimidation, lies, and war.

Certainly, this ugly accusation is connected to all of the allegedly Muslim people who have been flying planes into buildings, or blowing themselves up on trains, or just blowing themselves up in general. Of course, any rational person would know that the people who blow themselves up are not Muslim, but rather are Mossad agents and American spies; the very same people who destroyed the World Trade Center with holograms, missiles, and demolition charges.

### End of my article ###

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