I went bald too, so leave Britney alone

britney spears bald

So when I first heard that Britney had shaved it all off I said that I already saw her without panties on and that was old news. "No, you idiot," my wife says, "she shaved the top of her head!" Oh.

Well, I can understand that. In 1984 I discovered two earth-shaking things: one, my cholesterol was 440 (I weighed 180 then at 5 foot 6 inches) and two, Borland's IDE (integrated development environment), the most advanced tool to help software developers write code. To take care of the cholesterol I started exercising and changed my diet. As for Pascal, from 1984 until 1990 I immersed myself in Borland's IDE and rewrote every single program that I had previously written in BASIC, COBOL, and Fortran into Pascal. There was no sense in re-writing those programs that I had written in Lisp, FORTH and APL since they were perfectly suited for their respective applications.

And when Object Oriented Pascal came out I took to it like a liberal to Kool Aid. With my body exercised and my mind on coding I still had time to read a novel or two a week. I had an intelligent, loving, beautiful wife, two great kids, life couldn't get any better.

Then one day in the summer of 1988 I got tired of my hair. It got in the way of my thinking. One day I was running my hand over my head to stimulate the little grey cells in my brain when my hair hurt. I tried rubbing my scalp a little harder and my hair hurt even more. How odd, I thought to myself. I was exercising a few hours a day, weights, speed bag, walking, bike riding, tennis, racquetball and handball. I ate sensibly; my waist went down to a size 30, my weight was a perfect 140 lbs, I ran 6 miles every Saturday and most importantly my cholesterol was down to 220. My Pascal coding consumed 12 hours every day. As I said, life was perfect. Except for my hair. It was now annoying me.

So I walked over to the barbershop and without telling anyone or warning my wife, I had my head shaved. Rubbing my head was now quite enjoyable. Until you've done it yourself, I cannot describe to you how marvelous it feels. There was one problem though. Everyone I knew was shocked. When they saw me they would step back a few feet and ask me if there was anything wrong, as if I had cancer or perhaps I turned Aryan Nation [and me a Jew!] or even worse: was I about to go postal?

So I know how Britney feels. Sometimes your hair just hurts and there is nothing for it but to go bald. She will enjoy the new feeling on top of her dome, especially as new hair starts coming in. It's almost like have a permanent kitten's belly available to caress. Everyone else will hate it, but it's your head and your life. I recommend that everyone try it at least once. And by the way, it's better than a tattoo; at least it's temporary.

britney spears hair ebayI should mention that my hair never made it to Ebay.

Here's a tip: If you want a simple buzz-cut ask for one and it'll only cost about 20 bucks but if you ask for a "Brit-Buzz Special!" well, hell, that goes for $200.00. I wonder if that comes with a special certificate of authenticity?

Stars are Blind has more photos and one of the commenters speculates that Britney was raped.

Snarky Gossip has a photo compilation of Britney Spears from childhood to plain hood.


Unless she has a medical reason for doing this, which in that case it is completely understandable, she has officially gone off the deep end and I am scared. I mean, her hair was totally messed up and reportedly falling out from all the damage, so she can at least get a fresh start. But seriously, is the girl trying to start a new celebrity trend of matching bald heads and bald vaginas? Did she not like the fact that Anna Nicole Smith was getting all the media attention for the past week? Can you even imagine Kevin Federline and Justin Timberlake's reaction? I knew someone once who wanted to shave her head "just because," but she was a freakin' nut case if that tells you anything.

[Blogwarz] Top 10 Reasons Britney Spears Shaved Her Head, Excerpt: 10. She’s a just a damn publicity whore, no getting around it.

[Seriouslyomg] - Britney Spears wigs out…, Excerpt: According The Evening Standard having a shaved head did not stop Britney Spears from going out and partying again. She went to some Karaoke birthday party at The Roxy.

Britney Shaves Her F&*%ing Head

### End of my article ###

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