By Bernie on 26 Mar 2007
Most Americans have never been to a Muslim Library, so as a public service, I have sent Marga, my Filipina servant, to a typical Muslim Library and asked her to write down the titles and some descriptive text of the most popular Islamic books.
Although Marga is very obedient, she previously worked for a Saudi and so she would not do exactly as I requested unless I whipped her like a dog. I tried to explain to her that since I was not a Muslim there was no need for her to wait to be beaten before complying with any of my requests.
But old habits die hard, so I had to ask my neighbor Mujib from Pakistan to give her a few lashes so I could get this post done. I asked him to punish her less and less severely over time to wean her off the whip.
But I digress.
After a few good lashes Marga was able to report back with this survey of the most popular books in Islam:
Aeronautics:The WTC Attacks - If I did It - by Osama Bin Laden; 240 pgs, maps, index, cave drawings.
Goats are not just for hugging - by Ahmed Tombe; Photos and drawings by the author of his favorite goat.
I'd Walk a Mile for a Camel - Mai Aziz bin Hurtin, 111 pgs, illustrations of the most popular buttplugs.
Dogs, Pigs, and Apes - The History of the Jews, by Marfuz Killahebrew; 300 pgs, illustrations, Appendix: 6 millions names and addresses of Jews who died of natural causes.
How to Beat Your Wife in 40 Easy Steps - Iran Revolutionary Council on Marriage; 36,239 pgs, 2,000 photos, detailed instructions, Forms for the wife to fill out before being beaten, etc.
How to Divorce your Wife using Common Kitchen Objects - Pakistan Family Court; 3 pgs, 1 photo.
Physiology:Muslim Transsexuals - The Cause and Cure; by The Bahrainian Better Business Bureau; 2 pgs. Page 1: The Cause, the Jews. Page 2: The Cure: Kill the Jews.
Humor - Fantasy:
Islam: The Religion of Peace - Al Taqiyya, no pages, just a cover.
The Beauty of Muslim Women - by Reuters & Photoshop, 4 pgs including front and back cover and index page.
Great Islamic Discoveries - Egyptian Patent Office; out of print.
The Assault on Islam - What Mohammed would Do; The First Hamas Bank and Gun Shop; 1 pg: "Vote Democratic."
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