So You want to be a Liberal?




I am often asked by those with limited intelligence, "How can I become a liberal?" I usually respond by telling them they don't have to do a thing, they're already liberals. On the other hand, let's assume you have a college education and an IQ over 100 and you still want to be a liberal, what then? Well, in this particular case of mental disorder one has to be able to logically hold two contradictory points of view. Let me give you some examples.

Senator Bill Bradley was on Bill Maher Show the other night and said we should never have gotten into Iraq because we should have known these people have been fighting each other for over a thousand years. Well, that's true, everyone knows that; on the other hand, liberals like to promote the view that everything was honky-dory (can I write that? Or can only Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton use the word honky?) in the Middle East for centuries until America recognized and started supporting Israel.

So here are two contradictory ideas: Muslims have been killing everyone for centuries and Muslims are killing everyone only recently since the establishment of the State of Israel. If you can keep those two views in your head simultaneously, you can be a liberal.

Here's another: It seems that the threat of Global Warming is easily apparent to any 5 year old liberal when they see one Polar Bear on an ice floe yet over 8,000 Muslim attacks against Christians, Jews, Hindus, Buddhists and other Muslims since 9/11 is no proof that Islam is a threat to modern civilization.

Global warming has to be viewed from the perspective of the past 400,000 years to note that the earth cycles through temperature variations due to solar flare cycle variations, solar magnetic cycle variations, and the normal ice age cycle ( the warming due to coming out of our Little Ice Age).

So here are two more contradictory ideas: A temperature change of less than 1/10th of degree since 9/11 is proof positive that we are all doomed yet 8,000 Muslim attacks since 9/11 with the promise that Islam will dominate the world is no proof that the world is doomed. So if you believe we are headed for a world-wide cataclysm on the one hand yet we have nothing to worry about on the other simultaneously, you can be a liberal.

If you worry about the fascist regime of George Bush because you fear for the chilling effect of the Patriot Act on the free expression of ideas yet bury any right wing expression of ideas on DIGG, you can be a liberal.



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