Racist Muslim Jokes
Photo Credit: J O S H U A P U N D I T
A few years ago, before I began my series of articles on Muslim jokes, making fun of Muslims was a rare thing, mainly because one feared retaliation - the first thing one notices about Muslims is that they can't take a joke.
South Park learned the hard way that no one may make fun of Allah, Islam, Muslims, their prophet, or even the name Mohammed. In addition, one should not make fun of their way of life, their culture, their goats, their women, their marriage arrangements, vaginal mutilation, honor killings, stonings, beheadings, or anything else that Muslims do to while away the time.
As well, I have written a series of articles about the recent rise in Islamophobia among non-Muslim government leaders who have finally grown the testicles to admit that letting Muslims into their country was a mistake.
It took a few years but Muslims, by dint of their own disgusting cultural habits and their unreasonable demands for accommodations to those customs, have made even the most liberal and tolerant of Europeans loathe and despise them.
But I say that any group that feels they are above criticism deserves ridicule; and not just ordinary ridicule but the most egregious kind of derision and abject mockery. And so for the enjoyment of my readers, I present some of the most tasteless, disgusting, racist, bigoted pieces of humor about Muslims I could find on the Internet. I have added a few of my own as well.
Warning **** Do not continue if you are easily offended by ethnic or racist jokes.
Q: When is it permissible to spit on a Turkish woman's face?
A: When her mustache is on fire.
A lady wants to rent out her basement out, the problem is that she has a lifetime collection of used maxi pads stored in her basement. The first guy that comes to see the basement is an Italian fellow. The lady lets him see the basement. About ten minutes later the guy comes out and says, "The basement is nice but there is a weird smell down there."
The next guy, an Irishman, comes to see the basement and has the same reaction.
The lady thinks to herself, "I'm never going to rent out the basement".
At that moment, a Muslim comes to the door and wants to see the basement. He goes and in ten minutes comes out and says he'll rent it. The lady was surprised and asked, "Didn't you find anything wrong with the basement?" The Muslim replied, "No, but do you have any more jelly rolls?"
A cannibal goes to his local food market and notices that a Jewish brain sells for a hundred dollars a pound while a Muslim brain has a price tag of over a thousand dollars per pound. So he asks the butcher "Why is the Muslim's brain so expensive?"
The butcher replies "It's very simple, we need a least a dozen Muslim brains to get one pound."
Ahmed the Muslim was working hard all day in the sun while his boss (a Jew) was sitting in his air conditioned office all day and still got paid four times as much as he did.
Eventually this got to Ahmed and so he went to the Jew and said, "Hey, Boss, what is this, you sit in your office all day and I'm slaving away outside in the heat and still you get paid four times more than I do?"
His boss replied, "Yeah, well, it's all about common sense."
Ahmed was confused, "Common sense?"
His boss said, "Yes, I have common sense and the company pays more to people who have common sense. Come with me outside and I'll demonstrate."
So the Jew went to the nearest tree, put his hand up against the tree and told the Muslim to pick up a spade and hit his hand with all his might.
Ahmed at first refused, but his boss assured him that he wouldn't get fired and eventually Ahmed did as he was told, and obviously, the Jew moved his hand before Ahmed could hit it.
"See: common sense," said the boss.
Impressed, Ahmed went back home to his village and decided to tell everyone what he had learned while working for the Jew: "I have learned common sense from my boss."
Everyone seemed impressed although they didn't really know what Ahmed was talking about, so one man asked, "What do you mean, common sense?"
Ahmed said, "Let me demonstrate."
So he looked around for a tree, but the village didn't have any, so Ahmed put his hand to his face and said, "Hit my hand with a shovel."
Q: What do you call a man who performs abortions on Muslim women?
A: A Crime Stopper.
A Frenchman was walking on a crowded street in Paris telling his friend the most offensive Muslim jokes ever heard. I translated a few for my American friends, and was asked how come the Frenchman wasn't afraid of telling these very bigoted Muslim jokes in public, aren't there a lot of Muslims in France? I replied that he had nothing to fear, it is a rare thing to find a French Muslim who understands or speaks French.
A Muslim boy in Pakistan wants to impress his dad with something smart he has done, so he tells him, "Daddy, instead of taking the bus today, I ran after it to school so I saved 20 rupees.
The father isn't impressed: "You idiot! Had you run after a taxi you would have saved 100 rupees".
A Muslim walks into a bar.
No-one survived the blast.
Spurred on by the attacks in Mumbai, Muslim terrorists have stormed the streets of Paris and are shooting anyone who isn't a Muslim.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 12.
Q: What's sad about a ferry with 100 Muslims sinking in Bangladesh?
A: The boat had a capacity of 1,500.
Q: What's two miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Shiite Parade.
Q: What is the difference between a men's basketball team and Iraqi women?
A: The basketball team showers after the fourth period!
Q: What's the latest Muslim invention?
A: A helicopter with an ejection seat.
(See more Muslim inventions here)
I keep hearing about all these Muslim teenagers being brainwashed.
Well, at least that's one part of their body that won't smell.
Some of my readers may wonder why these are called racist jokes, after all, Muslim is not a race. However, if one reads the comments to many of my Muslim Humor articles, one will find no shortage of attacks against such humor on the grounds that attacking Islam or picking on Muslims is racist by their definition. Muslims who do not have a good grasp of English assume that 'racist' is the proper epithet to hurl against those who criticize Islam because they may have noticed that Blacks play the race card and call racist anyone who disagrees or criticizes a black person.
I am often called a racist for reporting that Muslims make up the bulk of the prison population in most European countries. It doesn't matter that it is the truth (indeed I supply links to articles from the BBC, Reuters, AFP, etc), merely stating an unpleasant fact about Muslims is called a racist act.
I am calling these jokes 'racist,' even though they are not, in order to preempt some of my readers. So, Ahmed, if you do not like racist Muslim jokes, you should not have wandered past the title.