Mocking Muslims
Well, friends and readers, it is time again to ridicule those who believe that their religion should dominate the world. For my Muslim readers, please be advised that if you cannot take the mocking of your religion, the Holy Qur'an, your beloved prophet or Allah, then I suggest you stop right now. Any further reading will only make you angry and vengeful.
If after reading these tasteless jokes, you go out and burn down a few churches or torture and behead a few Christians as Muslims are wont to do when offended, I do not want to be responsible - so stop now.
OK, I warned you. Here you go:
Q: What is the difference between Islam and Polio?
A: Science has not yet found a cure for Islam.
There are three rules for being a good Muslim. Unfortunately, no one knows what they are.
A pious Muslim man dies and goes to heaven where Saint Peter welcomes him to heaven. The man says, "I want to meet Mohammed!" So Saint Peter sends him up one floor.
On the next floor up, the man sees the angel Gabriel and tells him he wants to find Mohammed. Gabriel tells him to go up a another floor. At this point the Muslim is thinking to himself, "Wow Mohammed is more important than Saint Peter and the angel Gabriel."
When he gets to the third floor he sees Jesus and asks him very out of breath. "Mohammed! I need to see Mohammed!" Jesus tells him "Go up one floor my friend."
Now the man is struggling up the flight of stairs when he thinks to himself again "Wow! Mohammed is even more important than Jesus!"
When he reaches the next floor he sees a man with a long white beard and realizes it's God. God sees that the man is extremely out of breath and asks him, "Have some coffee?" The Muslim is frustrated and says, "No, I just want to see Mohammed!"
God tells him, "Yes, yes you will but please rest." The Muslim man agrees to have a coffee with God. God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out: "Hey, Mo, two coffees!"
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside.
During last night's high winds a Somali Muslim family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for the Minneapolis City Council said, "We didn't even know they were living up there."
Q: How are Pakistanis in London just like sperm?
A: Only one in 10 million actually work.
A white man walks into a pub in London, totally shattered, screaming “All Muslims are shitheads."
A man sitting in the corner shouts, “I take serious offense to that! It's a bloody lie!”
The white guy asks, “Why? Are you a Muslim?”
He replies proudly, “No. I'm a shithead.”
One day, a Muslim goatherder woke up to find that all 100 of his goats had died. Without his goats, he is ruined. So he goes to the nearby lake, and drowns himself.
The oldest brother wakes up, reads the note left by his father, and decides that life isn't worth living. So he goes to the lake to drown himself as well. There is a mermaid there. She tells the boy that if he can screw her 5 times, she will resurrect his father, and all the goats. Anyway, the boy tries his best, but only can do it 3 times. So, she kills him.
The second oldest brother goes to the lake to drown himself, and the mermaid is there. She says that if he screws her 10 times in a row, she will resurrect his father, brother and the goats. He tries his best, but only can get it up 8 times.
The youngest brother then goes to the lake. The mermaid tells him that he must do it with her 20 times. He looks at her bemused and says "What about 100 times?
The mermaid goes "Err, you think that you can handle it?"
The young Muslim lad replies, "Sure! How do you think all the goats died?"
A young Muslim girl is watching her father shower. She points to his penis and says, "Abu, when will I get one of those?" He looks at his watch and says, "When your mother leaves for the market!"
Ask the Imam:
Q: What's better than sex with a nine year old girl?
Imam: Nothing.
Q. What's the worst part of having sex with an infidel woman?
Imam: Disposing of the body afterward.
Q: What do you get when you set a Christian on fire?
Imam: An erection.
Q: What's the first thing a Muslim woman does after her husband beats her?
Imam: The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
Q: What's the worst thing about screwing a 6 yr old girl?
Imam: Getting blood on your jellabiya (see photo top).
Today in History, 16 April 2011:
In 1872 Sheik Ali Bin Trojani of the All Islamic University Biology Center invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873 the British refined the idea greatly by taking the intestine out of the goat first.
