One of the problems I find in today's American schools is that political correctness prevents educators from properly teaching the basic differences among the various major religions.

So for the edification of my readers I offer this quick and succinct guide to religions.

No long-winded treatises, no boring and useless dogma. What follows* is the essence for each religion.

But I should warn you: in order to get to the essential nature of a particular faith, it was necessary to use vulgar speech. So continue at your own risk.

Catholicism: if shit happens, I deserve it.

Protestantism: shit won't happen if I work harder.

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to me?

Buddhism: when shit happens, is it really shit?

Hinduism: this shit happened before.

Hare Krishna: shit happens Ramah Lama Ding Dong.

Rastafarianism: lets smoke this shit!

and finally Islam: if shit happens, it is the fault of the filthy Jews.