13 Things Men Say But Do Not Mean

By Bernie on 28 Feb 2013

Last week in my article 13 Things Women Say But Do Not Mean I promised to present the Men's version of that post. However, let me get a few things out of the way first. When a man says any of the following:

  • "I'm hungry."
  • "I'm sleepy."
  • "I'm tired."

That is precisely what he means. There is no hidden meaning, no obfuscation. However, there are times when men say one thing but mean another. To help my female readers decipher those kinds of statements I offer the following 13 Things Men Say But Do Not Mean:

  1. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
  2. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
  3. Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
  4. May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
  5. Nice dress! = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
  6. You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you and eventually to have sex with you.
  7. What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now? (I guess sex tonight is out of the question.)
  8. I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
  9. I love you. = Let's have sex now.
  10. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different! So can we have sex now?
  11. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
  12. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit. = I am gay.
  13. and finally:

  14. No, sweetheart, let me get your car washed, I don't mind. =

    sexy car wash

N.B. These translations represent those of American men and I am sure men from other cultures will have different meanings attached to their statements. For example, in Muslim societies we may find statements like these:

  • Hello young lady, I am from Saudi Arabia = I cannot wait to rape you and then abduct you to my country.
  • It would please Allah for you to wear hijaab and for honor,dignity and respect. = And if you don't I will beat you and slit your throat.
  • You are the best thing that ever happened to me. = Aside from my three other wives.
  • Of course dear wife I love you. = I've loved you ever since I first saw you in the schoolyard last year.

This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 80] and is updated on some Thursdays.

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