By Bernie on 12 Feb 2013
I am often asked difficult questions by my Muslim readers that can best be answered when I take on the persona of the Grand Vizier.
Today the following query was posed to Ask the Vizier (℠): "Is Sex Better with Sheep?"
Answer. Praise be to Allaah:
There are two ways to answer this question:
- If you are unmarried, there is no choice for you other than sheep. Sex with a woman, unless she is a female slave or domestic servant which you possess, is haraam, and you will be guilty of the sin of zina (fornication, adultery).
If a sheep is not handy, do not insert nearby objects, such as weapons or explosives, into your anus for sexual pleasure as this may cause severe injury should you become distracted.
- If you are married, yes indeed, sex with a sheep is much better than with your wife for the following reasons:
- Sheep are always in the mood,
- never have a headache,
- they will never spray your face with mace, and here is the good part:
- when you're done with them, you can eat them.
Addendum: Reader jFp commented that shagged sheep cannot be eaten. That is true - in my article How to get a Muslim`s goat - sex with animals, I noted that according to the Ayatollah Khomeini: "If one commits an act of sodomy with a cow, a ewe, or a camel, their urine and their excrements become impure, and even their milk may no longer be consumed. The animal must then be killed as quickly as possible and burned, and the price of it paid to its owner by him who sodomized it."
However, there are also quite a number of hadiths that do not allow the sodomizer to pay with money, saying, "Whoever you find having sex with an animal, kill him and kill the animal with him."
This has been question number 8 in my series Ask the Vizier (?):
Photo Credit: Anno 1404 Wiki
The Vizier answers issues pertaining to Shariah which came down directly from Allâh. These questions and answers are placed in public view on Planck's Constant for educational purposes. Many of these answers are unique to a particular situation and cannot be taken as a basis for a ruling in another situation. Ask the Vizier (℠) bears no responsibility with regards to these questions being used out of their intended context or to any party who may or may not act on this answer. The Vizier is hereby exempted from loss or damage howsoever caused.
This answer may not be used as evidence in any Court of Law without prior written consent of the Vizier.