Muslim Jokes in the News

I have posted more than a hundred articles in the category Muslim Jokes mocking Islam, Muslims, and their pedo-prophet, which in turn have generated thousands of comments from Muslim readers complaining that the so-called jokes have nothing to do with true Islam.

In response I explain that jokes, in order to be funny, rely on there being some germ of truth in the humor. For example, when jokes mock Jews for being cheap, the germ of truth is that Jews are indeed involved in finance, banking and diamond dealing. A short visit to New York's Diamond District on 47th Street, the world's largest diamond shopping marketplace (generating hundreds of millions of dollars in sales each day), will quickly convince anyone that Jews and diamond-dealing is no stereotype.

"Jewelers On Fifth" at the Diamond District, New York City. by Renzo Grande, on Flickr
"Jewelers On Fifth" at the Diamond District, New York City.
Flickr-User: Renzo Grande

So here are some Muslim jokes inspired by real-life news stories:

  • There were protests (1) when Kim Kardashian visited Bahrain to promote milkshakes (milkshakes? was it because of her large breasts?)

    The Muslims protesters must have confused Kim Kardashian with The Whore Of Babylon; however The Whore Of Babylon was actually important.

  • There are millions of children in the world who won't be receiving Christmas presents this year.

    They're called Muslims (2).

  • It's great to see that the warring Muslim factions in Syria may cease hostilities for Eid (3), likewise perhaps British Muslims could stop f*cking white schoolgirls for the Muslim holiday?

  • Have you heard about all of the great things Muslims have contributed to society (4) since emigrating to the UK?

    Me neither.

  • An old Scotsman walks into a mosque in Glasgow.

    "Am wantin tae apply fer that joab as a janitor, pal."

    "Oh good" says the Muslim cleric. "What's your name?"

    "Jock McDonald."

    "I'm sorry sir, we are Muslims. We cannot take a Jock." (5)

  • It turns out the film maker of 'The Innocence of Muslims' is quite the genius.

    Instead of ridding the world of that infestation himself, he makes a slightly offensive video which pisses them off so much they riot and kill each other. (6)

  • Seeing all those thousands of Muslims protesting and rioting in the streets the past few weeks made me worry.

    Maybe I should consider moving out of Dearborn. (7)

  • Nothing worse at this time of the day than seeing big fat muslims on the bus combing their beards, and that is just the schoolgirls. (8)

Stereotypes are beliefs that may or may not accurately reflect reality. Of the more than one thousand jokes I have posted, every single one can be traced back to an accurate stereotype regarding Muslims.


Some examples of how Hollywood depicts Muslims and Arabs in film may be gleaned from my numerous articles regarding Muslim Stereotypes.



CNN, Milkshake promoter denies reports of tear gas at Kim Kardashian protest in Bahrain

Kardashian, 32, stopped in Bahrain Saturday as part of a Middle Eastern promotional tour for Millions of Milkshakes, a franchise created and owned by businessman Sheeraz Hasan.


CNN has been unable to independently confirm the reports, all of which are ultimately attributed to an unidentified "local newspaper," that police used tear-gas grenades to disperse 100 Shiite Muslim protesters with anti-Kardashian signs before her arrival at a high-end shopping complex in Riffa, Bahrain.


Blog, Mosque leader’s fatwa forbids Muslims from wishing Merry Christmas

Allah would rather Muslims congratulate a murderer than wish someone Merry Christmas – or congratulate any non-believer on any non-Muslim occasion.

THE Lakemba Mosque has issued a fatwa against Christmas, warning followers it is a ”sin” to even wish people a Merry Christmas.

The religious ruling, which followed a similar lecture during Friday prayers at Australia’s biggest mosque, was posted on its Facebook site on Saturday morning.

The head imam at Lakemba, Sheikh Yahya Safi, had told the congregation during prayers that they should not take part in anything to do with Christmas.


Reuters, 10 Oct 2013, Arab league, OIC call for Eid ceasefire in Syria

The Arab League and the Organisation of Islamic Cooperation (OIC) on Thursday urged Syrian government forces and fighters battling President Bashar al-Assad to stage a ceasefire during the Islamic Eid al-Adha holiday, which falls next week.


Most of the Arab world will be on holiday next week when the Eid al-Adha holiday starts.

The Arab League and the OIC called on all warring factions to be "committed to a complete ceasefire and all acts of violence and killing of all kinds for the occasion of Eid al-Adha", the secretary generals of both bodies said in a joint statement.


The Muslim Issue, 9 Oct 2012, Britain sinking under unproductive Muslims, costing £13+ billion a year

The Daily Telegraph reported in 2012 that 75% of all Muslim women are unemployed while 50% of all Muslim men are unemployed (67.5% total) - a staggering 350% rise from 13% for men and 18% for women in 2004. Muslims are also on sick leave more than anyone else, with 2001 figures revealing that 24% of females and 21% of males claim disability. Muslims are the most likely among all religious groups to be living in accommodation rented from the council or housing association (28%); 4% live rent-free (2004 figures). As if this is not enough, the total prison population in the UK amongst category A and B criminals (third degree criminals) is now 35-39% Muslim.

(5):, Rules of Joking in Islam

‘Umar ibn ‘Abd al-‘Azeez (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Fear joking, for it is folly and generates grudges.”


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7312)


The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If you knew what I know, you would laugh little and weep much.”


BBC, Anti-Islam film: Thousands protest around Muslim world

At least one protester was killed in violent protests in Pakistan and thousands attended an angry rally in the Philippines city of Marawi.

Weapons were fired and police cars torched in the Afghan capital, Kabul.


More than a dozen people have died since last Tuesday in protests sparked by the appearance on Youtube of a trailer for the obscure, poorly made film, which is entitled Innocence of Muslims.

(7):, Muslims stone Christians: Mini holy war in Dearborn, Michigan

In a religious fiasco of minor import a small group of Christian provocateurs were pelted with water bottles, garbage and stones by angry Muslims at the 2012 Arab Festival in Dearborn, Michigan.

Nobody was seriously hurt in the mini-riot, and no arrests were made. However, the event proves instructive in the dangers of competing religious superstitions when coupled with ignorance and extremism.


Medscape, Ethnic-specific Polycystic Ovary Syndrome

PCOS (Ethnic-specific Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) causes significant psychological distress and leads to poor health-related QoL in women due to their physical, reproductive and metabolic effects.[59,60] While western women have poor QoL due to obesity, it is different in others, with the main cause being infertility and hirsutism among Arab women[61] and hirsutism in south Asians.[10] The likely cause may be sociocultural factors, with obesity being perceived as a sign of prosperity rather than a negative impact on health in some cultures. Hence, the impact of PCOS on psychological issues based on the ethnic background must be taken into account.

### End of my article ###

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