Dirty Muslim Jokes

mohammed looking in mirror

Islamic Humor is a funny thing. Actually it's not funny at all. Muslims will tell you that laughing and joking are permissible in Islam ... ... ... provided you follow certain strict guidelines.

I don't know about you, but I have a difficult time laughing while following what Allah has permitted. Laughing must be spontaneous otherwise it's about as enjoyable as regurgitating a hot dog.

That said, I ask my readers not to laugh at any of the following jokes unless the urge to do so comes naturally. If you believe that mocking Islam, Muslims, the Prophet Mohammad, or the Quran is unfunny, offensive or a blasphemy, then I suggest you find your humor elsewhere.

I will, as much as possible, follow the prophet Mohammad's advice that joking should not deviate from the truth. Almost every joke here is based on a news article or verse found in the Qu`ran.

Q: Why are there no pigs in Saudi Arabia?
A: Because they are not prepared to live with a bunch of filthy, stinking Muslims.

Q: What’s the first thing a Muslim girl says after losing her virginity?
A: That really hurt, father.

Q: What do ISIS fighters get when they stab a baby with a knife?
A: An erection.

Q: What do you call a Muslim who does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheater. [Read my article on Muslim IQ]

If you get on a plane these days you're not allowed to take shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, liquid soap, etc.

And I'm thinking, "Aren't they the very things a Muslim wouldn't be carrying anyway?"

Ahmed walks in on his father masturbating. Never having seen anyone do this, he says, “Father, what are you doing?”

His father replies, “Don’t worry Ahmed, you’ll be doing it soon enough!”

“Really? Why’s that, father?”

“Well, my arm is getting tired…”

Q: What’s the difference between a refrigerator and an Afghani boy?
A: The fridge doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

Q: What do you get when a Muslim and a Mexican have a baby?
A: A child too lazy to blow himself up.

Q: Why did the Muslim go to the airport and blow himself up?
A: He wanted to go everywhere.

Q: What do you call a Muslim Elvis impersonator?
A: Amal Shuqkup.

Q: How can you tell when a Muslim becomes a man?
A: When the diaper goes from his dirty butt to his greasy head.

Q: What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
A: No more jokes about the profit.

A Saudi, an Iranian, and an Iraqi are on a frozen lake, not talking to each other, so I thought I should go over there and break the ice.

Q: Why did the sex offenders cross the road?
A: To catch the bus to the mosque.

Q: Why did the Muslim walk into a bar?
A: Because the cell door was locked. [The majority of prisoners in European jails are Muslim]

I was delivering a lecture on Philosophy at the University.

"By the year 2100, Islam will disappear from the civilized world," I said to the students.

Ahmed, a Muslim student, stood up.

"But professor," Ahmed objected, "currently Islam is spreading and will increase even more by then."

"Ahmed," I said, "I was talking about the civilized world."

Q: How many dead Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well certainly not 8 because my basement is still dark.

Q: How come so many Muslims do not smoke after sex?
A: Because second hand smoke is very dangerous for children.

Q: What do you get when you cross a camel with a Muslim?
A: A dead Muslim with an 10 inch wide asshole. [Under Islamic Law, the camel will have to be put down, Gulf News]

### End of my article ###

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