Disgusting Muslim Jokes




muslim flying carpet
Photo Credit:Hyscience

It is that time again, two months since my last Muslim joke posting, so for those of my readers who are not offended by disgusting Muslim jokes: enjoy:

I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbor, Ahmed, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, “What’s up Ahmed, won’t it start?”




Each day it gets worse for Jews in France as more and more Muslims increase their numbers through either breeding or invasion. Here's a typical scenario repeated often in France today: Ahmed, a Muslim clerk at the local supermarket, enjoys razzing Moshe, a Jewish shopper at the store.

The other day Moshe went up to the cashier and placed two cans of dog food on the counter. Ahmed asked, "Do you have a dog?" "Yes, it's at home," Moshe answered. To which Ahmed replied, "To be able to sell you the dog food, I must see the dog. That is store policy."

The next day Moshe placed two cans of cat food on the counter. With a devious glint in his eye, Ahmed inquired, "Do you own a cat?" "Yes I do, it's at home," said Moshe. "Well I am sorry. Store policy. I must see the cat before I can sell you cat food," smiled the Muslim cashier.

The day after that Moshe returned to the store and walked directly to the same cashier with a brown paper bag in his hand. "Here," he said to the cashier, "put your hand in here." As soon as Ahmed put his hand in the brown paper bag he said, "It is all soft and warm." "Yes, that's right," beamed Moshe, "I need to buy two rolls of toilet paper."




Fatima and Ahmed were driving home from the mall when Ahmed ran over a skunk. "We better take the skunk to the vet, Fatima. Just put the skunk between your legs to keep it warm." "But, Ahmed, what about the smell?" "Don't worry, Fatima. The skunk will get used to it."




Little Ahmed comes home one day and says, "Amah! Cousin Mahmud has a penis like a peanut!" His mother asks, "What do you mean, Ahmed? Is it shaped like a peanut?" "No," says Ahmed. "It's salty."




A businessman returns from Pakistan. After a few days he notices a strange orange and purple growth on his penis. He sees several doctors. They all say: "You've been screwing around in Pakistan, it's very common there, but there's no cure. We'll have to amputate."

The man panics, but figures if it is common in Pakistan then doctors there must know how to cure it. So he goes back and sees a doctor in Pakistan. The doctor examines him and says, "I see you've been fooling around in my country. This is a very common problem here. Did you see any other doctors?" The man replies, "Yes a few in the USA but they want to amputate."

"Yes!" The doctor smiles, nods, "That is just like American doctors, all they want is money for surgery - but don't do anything, in two weeks it will fall off by itself,"




After years of marriage, Ahmed's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence. Fatima warns him that he'll fart his guts out. One night, Fatima decides to put chicken scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually farted his guts out and stop the flatulence. The next morning, Ahmed goes to the bathroom. Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me farting my guts out. But Alhamdulillah and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"




Q: How does a Muslim tell the difference between a male and a female camel in the dark?
A: He sticks his nose in the camel's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a female.




Q: How do you kill an Arab while he's having a drink?
A: Slam the toilet lid down on his head.




Q: What's the warmest organ in a dead woman's body?
A: A Muslim's penis.




Ahmed and Mahmud were driving along when they came upon a goat with his head stuck in a fence. So Ahmed stops the truck, gets out, and not seeing anyone around, starts screwing the goat. He gets finished, takes a step back, and turns to his friend, "Hey, Mahmud, you want try this?" Mahmud replies, "Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?"




Q: What did the Muslim pedophile say when he was released from prison?
A: "I feel like a kid again."



### End of my article ###

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