13 Alternate Words for Vagina

the vulva hand-gesture
The Vulva Hand-gesture
Photo Credit: Wikipedia

Some of my readers may recall a few years ago when the Michigan house of representatives banned two Democratic state representatives after one of them (Lisa Brown) used a no-no word during a debate over an anti-abortion bill: "Mr Speaker, I'm flattered that you're all so interested in my vagina, but 'no' means 'no,'" while the second representative (Barb Byrum) wanted to introduce an amendment to the anti-abortion bill that would ban men having vasectomies unless the procedure was needed to save their lives - that is to say, what is good for the goose...

The Michigan majority floor leader ruled that her comments had violated the decorum of the house:

Detroit News, Lawmaker barred from speaking after 'vagina' comment

House Republicans prohibited state Rep. Lisa Brown from speaking on the floor Thursday after she ended a speech Wednesday against a bill restricting abortions by referencing her female anatomy.


"What she said was offensive," said Rep. Mike Callton, R-Nashville. "It was so offensive, I don't even want to say it in front of women. I would not say that in mixed company."


Majority Floor Leader Jim Stamas, R-Midland, determined Brown's comments violated the decorum of the House, said Ari Adler, spokesman for the Republican majority.

Had Ms Brown read my list of 1500 alternate words for vagina, she might have avoided getting banned, especially if she referenced words that could be used for food as well; after all, who is going to ban "heavenly clam-shell"?

Here are 13 words to say instead of the word "vagina" and use even in an august setting such as a state house of representatives:

  1. bearded clam
  2. beef garage
  3. bikini burger
  4. brownie
  5. candy canyon
  6. cherry pie
  7. gooseberry bush
  8. ham wallet
  9. hush puppy
  10. jelly bag
  11. muffin
  12. sausage wallet
  13. tuna taco

Before any female reader complains about "tuna taco," please be aware that vaginas are supposed to have a slightly fishy smell.

And yes, Jesus would have said "vagina."

This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 121] and is updated on some Thursdays.

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