I am often asked difficult questions by my Muslim readers that can best be answered when I take on the persona of the Grand Vizier.

Today the following query was posed:

Q: "Is Sex Better with Sheep?"

A: Praise be to Allaah:

There are two ways to answer this question:

1. If you are unmarried, there is no choice for you other than sheep. Sex with a woman, unless she is a female slave or domestic servant which you possess, is haraam, and you will be guilty of the sin of zina (fornication, adultery).

   If a sheep is not handy, do not insert nearby objects, such as weapons or explosives, into your anus for sexual pleasure as this may cause severe injury should you become distracted.



2. If you are married, yes indeed, sex with a sheep is much better than with your wife for the following reasons:
   • Sheep are always in the mood,
   
   
   • never have a headache,
   
   
   • they will never spray your face with mace, and here is the good part:
   
   
   • when you're done with them, you can eat them.
   
   

Addendum: Reader jFp commented that shagged sheep cannot be eaten. That is true - in my article How to get a Muslim`s goat - sex with animals, I noted that according to the Ayatollah Khomeini: "If one commits an act of sodomy with a cow, a ewe, or a camel, their urine and their excrements become impure, and even their milk may no longer be consumed. The animal must then be killed as quickly as possible and burned, and the price of it paid to its owner by him who sodomized it."

However, there are also quite a number of hadiths that do not allow the sodomizer to pay with money, saying, "Whoever you find having sex with an animal, kill him and kill the animal with him."