Very Mean Muslim Jokes

Well, it's time to roll out the red flying carpet for my readers where I offer some more humor mocking Islam, Muslims, and the cult's pedophilic prophet. This will be my 93rd post of Muslim Jokes.

Just when I thought I would run out of funny material, reader Nigel from Pakistan left this comment in response to my article The Most Offensive Muslim Jokes Ever:

Bernie racism is like you getting accused of a crime, it is unfair especially when you have done nothing wrong. Your words have caused thousands of people to die. You should have been tagged your blog as "RACISM". I've to mention one more thing that the photo you describe in this blog even don't have any word like Muslim. Word Pakistan is fine because you talk about someone country but when you put fingers on Muslims so its related to Islam and Islam is a religion of peace,fairness,brotherhood and tolerance...

This last bit of nonsense is worth repeating: "Islam is a religion of peace, fairness, brotherhood and tolerance." Now that's funnier than any of my more than 1001 Muslim jokes.

Muslims say the funniest things

Before we go any further, if you are easily offended, extremely sensitive, or a hockey player with a very big stick stuck up your ass, then please go read some other blog, you know, the kind that is afraid to mock a dangerous cult while denying that it is in fact dangerous.

OK, you've been warned, so here goes:

Q: How do you pick up a Muslim girl in Afghanistan?

A: With a broom and a dustpan.

At least 20 killed in Afghan mosque blast
Photo Credit: NBC News

cactus flower
Photo Credit: Wikipedia
Once a Dutchman, a Hindu, and a Texan were standing together. A Muslim came up and asked, "Hey guys, what is your favorite flower?"

The Dutchman replied, "The Tulip."

"Ha, I clean my shit with that!" the Muslim jeered.

The Dutchman got angry, the tulip being the national flower of the Netherlands.

The Hindu replied, "the Lotus."

"Ha I clean my shit with that!' the Muslim laughed.

The Hindu got angry, the lotus being India's national flower.

The Muslim asked the Texan, "And what is your favorite flower?"

The Texan, smiling, replied, "The cactus flower. Now go clean your ass with that!"

Now I’ve got nothing against the Muslim people but sometimes they cause trouble. For example, just this morning I had to try and stop three little Muslim boys from trying to break the lock on the trunk of my car. I had to say, ‘Shut up! You’re in there for a reason!’

A socialist, an illegal immigrant and a Muslim walk into a bar - the bartender says What'll you have Mr. President?

Q: Why do Muslim girls keep quiet while having sex?
A: Because they're not supposed to talk to strangers.

Q: What do you ask a man who's just converted to Islam?
A: Have you started beating your wife?

Q: Why do Muslims smell like piss?
A: So blind people can hate them too.

Dora the Explorer has got a little Muslim friend called Doda... The Exploder.

Q: How come they canceled the Saudi Arabia Drivers' Ed program?
A: The donkey died.

Tarzan and Jane and cheetah the chimpanzee Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Muslim, what would cheetah the chimpanzee be?
A: The smart one.
A: Pregnant.
A: The hated Jew.


Laughing Gif Courtesy of Ramrock's Blog

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