13 Stupid Label Instructions

Years ago many building codes mandated that electrical outlets around kitchen counter-tops be a minimum distance from the sink and as well, government rules forced manufacturers of kitchen appliances to outfit them with shorter electric cords to keep us idiots from accidentally dipping them into a sink-full of water or tripping over them on the kitchen floor.

In conjunction with those regulations warning labels became lengthier, more excessive, and, in some cases, downright silly. One blogger (1) speculates that the warning labels are more to protect the manufacturer than the consumer.

Here are 13 Stupid Label Instructions collected from the Internet (where there are thousands more) proving that the human race is doomed to extinction through accidental drowning, electrocution, decapitation, allergic reaction, suffocation and our own stupidity.

  1. On a Sears hairdryer

    Do not use while sleeping.
    (Rats, that's the only time my wife has time to work on her hair).

  2. On a bag of Fritos

    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    (the shoplifter special?)

  3. On a bar of Dial soap

    Directions: Use like regular soap.
    (and that would be how???....)

  4. On some Swanson frozen dinners

    Serving suggestion: Defrost.
    (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

  5. On packaging for a Rowenta iron

    Do not iron clothes on body.
    (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

  6. On a Curling Iron

    For external use only!
    (otherwise I would stick it where?)

  7. On Nytol Sleep Aid

    Warning: May cause drowsiness.
    (and...I'm taking this because???....)

  8. On most brands of Christmas lights

    For indoor or outdoor use only.
    (as opposed to...what?)

  9. On a child's Superman costume

    Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
    (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

  10. On Sainsbury's peanuts

    Warning: contains nuts.
    (talk about a news flash)

  11. On a Swedish chainsaw

    Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
    (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

  12. On a Japanese food processor

    Not to be used for the other use.
    (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

  13. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding

    Product will be hot after heating.
    (...and you thought????...)

It's unfortunate that certain ideologies do not carry warning labels; for example, being a Muslim results in lower IQ than any other group of people on this planet with the exception of those who participate in the Special Olympics.

Those who have not read the Qur'an are probably baffled by the fact that simply converting to Islam leads to Sudden Jihad Syndrome where perfectly normal people who never exhibited animosity toward their host countries suddenly become raging, murderous, anti-western savages (2), (3), (4).

Those of us who have indeed read the Qur'an, understand perfectly well why this happens. If only we had warning labels on the Qur'an or on the entrance to mosques or to marriage forms before idiots unwittingly convert to Islam.

This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 93] and is updated on some Thursdays.



Engineering Dude, 3 Feb 2013, TAG! You’re dumb!

We bought a fake tree before xmas this year; one with lights already installed on the branches to, you know, be a more realistic imitation of a live tree. The tree comes disassembled in 3 main segments densely packed in a small box (props). Each of these 3 segments had an electrical cord to power the lights. Critical as I am, I noticed an excessive amount of warning labels on the cords. Pictured below were the safety tags on just one of the 4 cords (one per tree portion and one junction).

stupid warning labels


the tags are not for OUR safety. The tags are for THEIR safety: the manufacturer. CYA (Cover Your Ass); these tags are not intended to be read and followed, they are a documentable (look what I can do CPSC) warning to improve the manufacturer’s legal footing when sued after someone hurts themselves… because they always find a way… regardless of labeling. And it is way too easy in this country to get rich by suing others for your own mistakes.

TAG! You’re dumb (the legal system).


Planck's Constant Blog, Muslim Converts - Before and After Mugshots

I could fill this post with a thousand before and after photos of recent converts who have undergone Sudden-Jihad-Syndrome. So let me instead just mention a few examples:


Then there is recent Muslim convert Colleen Renee LaRose, aka JihadJane, who became a Muslim warrior swearing to become a martyr.

Can't carry liquids onto an airplane? You can thank Muslim convert Ibrahim Savant who was involved in the 2006 transatlantic aircraft plot.

Some of my older readers may remember that Carlos the Jackal, the most famous terrorist of the 1970s, is a Muslim convert.

Then we have Muslim converts, and terrorists, José Padilla, Zachary Adam Chesser, Shoe Bomber Richard Reid, and on and on.


Planck's Constant Blog, Suspend Muslim Immigration, Muslim Military service, and Building of Mosques

On 1 Jun 2009 an American convert to Islam, one Carlos Leon Bledsoe, opened fire with a rifle in a drive-by shooting on soldiers in front of a United States military recruiting office in Little Rock, Arkansas, killing Private William Long, and wounding Private Quinton Ezeagwula. This was only one case out of many involving American converts to Islam.


Planck's Constant Blog, Only the Natives Understand Islam

After quarrelling with his wife over Islamic dress, a Muslim convert shoots his family members to 'take them back to Allah' and out of the 'world of sinners'.

### End of my article ###

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