13 Funny Last Words




to die laughing is a good thing
Photo Credit: Toptenz.net

Almost seven years ago I published Eat, Drink and be Merry - 13 Last Words, where one finds the last words of some of our famous fellow human beings involving food or drink before they died.

In this article I offer my readers 13 last words that the soon-to-die thought were funny:

  1. "I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct." ~~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702
  2. "Yes, it's tough, but not as tough as doing comedy." When asked if he thought dying was tough. ~~ Edmund Gwenn, actor, d. September 6, 1959
  3. "Why not? Yeah." ~~ Timothy Leary, d. May 31, 1996
  4. "I knew it. I knew it. Born in a hotel room - and God damn it - died in a hotel room." ~~ Eugene O'Neill, writer, d. November 27, 1953
  5. "Here am I, dying of a hundred good symptoms." ~~ Alexander Pope, writer, d. May 30, 1744
  6. "I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor." ~~ Fran├žois Rabelais, writer, d. 1553
  7. "And now, I am dying beyond my means." ~~ Oscar Wilde, writer, d. November 30, 1900 - sipping champagne on his deathbed.
  8. "Am I dying or is this my birthday?" When she woke briefly during her last illness and found all her family around her bedside. ~~ Lady Nancy Astor, d. 1964
  9. "Why yes -- a bulletproof vest." James W. Rodgers, murderer, on his final request before the firing squad.
  10. "How's this for your headline? 'French Fries'."

    James D. French's last words before his death by electric chair. French was the last person executed under Oklahoma's death penalty laws prior to Furman v. Georgia, which suspended capital punishment in America from 1972 until 1976.... Already in prison for life for killing a motorist who had picked him up from hitchhiking in 1958, but allegedly afraid to commit suicide, French murdered his cellmate, apparently to compel the state to execute him.[Wiki]


  11. "Now is not the time for making new enemies."

    When Voltaire was dying a priest in attendance called upon him to renounce the devil.


  12. "I desire to go to Hell and not to Heaven. In the former I shall enjoy the company of popes, kings and princes, while in the latter are only beggars, monks and apostles."

    Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527) Italian philosopher, writer and politician.


  13. I saved the best for last: WC Fields' accountant was standing by his deathbed. Fields asked "So I have enough money to buy every child in NYC a new bicycle?" When told he was correct, Fields said "Well, fuck 'em."

Some of you might have heard that General Custer's last words were: "Where the F*** did all these Indians come from?" - But it's not true, although he was probably thinking it.




This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 117] and is updated on some Thursdays.



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