Obesity Levels Drop Just One Year After the War on Obesity
Scientists tell us that there are an infinite number of universes running in parallel with ours. Many of those universes have Earths similar to ours. Some of those Earths are almost exact duplicates of our planet with minor exceptions. For example, I have a device in my home, a developer's copy of Apple's next future technology, code-named i3 (pronounced "eye-yai-yai"). The device is not only a future history viewer, it is also capable of viewing alternate universes.
I am therefore able to see that on the planet Earth-copy-M3-10436-ZVC, President Al Gore one year ago approved legislation beginning the War on Obesity in the United States of North America. On Earth-copy-M3-10436-ZVC obesity is defined as not being able to fit into your pants. The Department of Obesity began issuing over-sized pants to every citizen in the country.
One year later, almost everyone can now fit into their pants and so obesity levels have dropped to near-zero. Only a few citizens got fatter from the time the Department of Obesity measured their waists to the time those fatties received their new over-sized pants. Hopefully one day even they will get pants they can fit into.
Meanwhile on our planet. America has achieved similar results with our War on Poverty. The definition of a person in poverty was changed from someone being poor to someone who cannot pay for food, rent and utilities. Now with more than half of Americans receiving vouchers for food, rent, and utilities, there is almost no poverty left in our country.
Consider the following exchange between a federal employee surveying poverty in the US and Joe Poorperson, a typical recipient of government aid:
Government worker: Let me ask you, in 1965 were you able to buy enough food for your family? Pay your rent, your utilities?
Joe Poorperson: No, I had no job, no prospects, I was poor.
Government worker: Now 50 years later, are you able to buy enough food for your family? Pay your rent, your utilities?
Joe Poorperson: No, not without the Supplemental Nutritional Assistance, the Earned Income Tax Credit, the National School Lunch Program for my kids, the Supplementary Nutrition Program for Women , Infants, and Children, Housing subsidies, Low-Income Home Energy Assistance, and other programs. I haven't had a job in decades. I am still poor.
Government worker: I am sorry, but you are mistaken, you are not poor; according to the Supplemental Poverty Measure you are not poor. You will not be counted as a poor person in our national statistics.
Joe Poorperson: I don't care what you say, I am still poor.
And that is how the federal government on Earth-copy-M3-10436-ZVC lowered the rate of obesity on their planet: just like on our planet the War on Poverty lowered the rate of poverty.
The reality of course, is that Poverty Is Worse Today than in 1965.
