In the year 2006, on the sixth day of the year, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have until the day before the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year of this millennia to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
With the deadline due today, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.
"Noah!" He roared, "I'm ready to start the rain tonight at midnight! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit! I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.
"Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environ-mentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!
"When I started gathering the animals, the municipal humane organization sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
"Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
"Immigration and Naturalization is checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.
"To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to be able to finish this Ark."
"Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
See my previous posts:
Mothers expect Damien on 06/06/06, Excerpt:
I think naming your child Damien if he's born on 06/06/06 is almost as bad as naming your child Adolph Hitler - if your last name happens to be Hitler.
01:02:03 04/05/06 Happened twice before, Excerpt:
My immediate reaction was that all things happen again and again. In fact the first time this happened Jesus Christ was 6 years old. It was 01:02:03 04/05/06 (a Monday) and the child Jesus was tossing on his mat. For at that very moment a blind woman in Baghdad conceived of a child. 62 days later at 06:06:06 in the morning on 06/06/06 the child was born: The Anti-Christ, the one born with 666, the mark of the beast.
Gambling911 Will the world end on 6-6-06?, Excerpt:
Online gambling company posts odds on whether or not the Apocalypse will happen on 666.
We are in the midst of the 2000 millennium and there have
been both severe natural disasters and man-made wars. Could this be a sign that the Apocalypse, described by St John in the last book of the New Testament, is just a week away? BetUS.com – a leading online gaming site posted 10-1 odds that there will be an Apocalypse on 6-6-06.
123beta - 06-06-06, Excerpt:
The good news is that one online oddsmaker has made the world a 100,000-to-1 favorite to survive Tuesday.
"666" sense: Date marked with caution, Excerpt:
With June 6, 2006, rapidly approaching, authorities in Colorado and elsewhere are carefully watching to see if that date - 6/6/06 - spurs demonstrations or violent activity.
They are aware that 666 signifies the Mark of the Beast or the Antichrist to some organizations and believe June 6 is a date that could trigger problems.
GNN - Left Behind: Eternal Forces, Excerpt:
Inspired by my colleague Stephen Marshall’s new project, the forthcoming feature documentary Holy Wars, I decided to do some research into both the apocalyptic strains of Islamic jihadists and Christian evangelicals. My first stop was the spooky Skipping Towards Armageddon: The Politics and Propaganda of the Left Behind Novels and the LaHaye Empire by Michael Standaert. The book chronicles the rise of Tim LaHaye, author of the massively popular Left Behind book series. Actually, it’s not just books. It’s an entire media empire devoted to promoting the idea that Jesus is coming back soon, and he is going to be pissed – non-believers get ready to be incinerated. As many in the blogosphere have recently noted, they even have a hyper-violent video game due out in the fall.