The Woman behind New York Times SWIFT Leak



Nadine Jensen

Back in March of this year, Lotta Twotta applied for a job at the New York Times for the position of News Editor. She was promptly hired because of her huge IQ and her ability to keep abreast of items of important public interest.

She worked directly under Executive Editor Bill Keller [wink-wink-nudge-nudge] and was with Keller when the administration argued for the withholding of the SWIFT information. Lotta told Keller that the G-Men were staring at the vast repository of her blouse. Keller was outraged. "Why can't men see you for your large, bountiful intelligence?"

Although I personally believe the men from the White House had indeed appreciated Lotta's huge IQ and other assets, Keller took it personally and decided to publish the information and issued this disclaimer:

"We have listened closely to the administration's arguments for withholding this information, and given them the most serious and respectful consideration. We remain convinced that the administration's extraordinary access to this vast repository of international financial data, however carefully targeted use of it may be, is a matter of public interest."

Lotta is currently working on a report that lists the names and addresses of all Iraqi informants who have collected rewards for turning in insurgents and al Qaeda operatives in Iraq. "The public has a right to know what our government is doing with our tax monies."

A blogger (from Planck's Constant) asked Lotta if printing this sort of information didn't border on sedition.

Lotta: "Yes, I expect this report to be printed in the Morning Sedition of the paper."

When questioned of her use of the word sedition, Lotta reminded this blogger that her IQ was way over 44D and not to question her use of words.

When Representative John Murtha (D[efeatist] - PA) was asked for his opinion of the TIMES' intention to report the names and addresses of all Iraqi informants, he defensively shot back: "I find nothing wrong with that. In fact, how's that different from anything I've said to give aid and comfort to our enemies?"

Osama Bin Laden reads the New York Times



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