Allah Made Me Funny
Photo Credit: Calvin College
Imagine it's 1940 and you're sitting in the Zwie Pfennig Normales Cabaret in Berlin. Johannes Annalpfisdten is the stand-up comedy act for the night.
Guten Abend, meine Damen und Herren. Und to the two Juden in the front row, sieg heil, fur dose who don't know what that means, I'll explain it zu you," he declares. "In German it means: 'I'm going zu kill you.'" The audience bursts into laughter.
When the applause dies down, our Nazi comedian asks, "Zo, vat is the difference between a pizza pie and a Jew?"
Someone in worn lederhosen in the back yells out, "Vat's the difference?"
The comedian looks directly at the two Jews: "A Pizza Pie does not yell out 'oh vey is mir' when you stick it in the oven."
The cabaret breaks into thunderous peals of laughter and guffaws. Even the two Jews in the front row find the joke immensely amusing. Moshe barely has the breath to tell Hymen, "This guy kills me, literally!"
OK, so what's unbelievable about this scene? Too macabre for you? Well then, listen to this:
Here is the guiding theme for the troupe: "The concept of this tour is to make a comprehensive effort to provide effective, significant, and appropriate comedy with an Islamic perspective, which is both mainstream and cross-cultural. The idea is to provide a venue whereby Muslims and non-Muslims can feel safe, relevant, and inclusive of an experience where humor is used to bridge gaps of bias, intolerance, and other social ills that are pre and post 9/11 relevant," says Preacher Moss, co-founder, and one of the featured comedians on the tour.
However, there is a dark side to this group: according to Militant Islam Monitor they are affiliated with the Council of Islamic Organisations of Greater Chicago whose members are part of a network of radical Islamist organisations which are directly linked to Hamas and Al Qaeda and raises funds for convicted terrorists and other related causes.
This comedy tour enables the group to go around the country pretending to be funny just so they can outreach to young Muslim men and turn them into Jihadists. If there are non-Muslims in the audience who laugh, they do so for the same reasons that Jews would laugh at a Nazi comedian.
Here's some samples of "Muslim" humor.
"I'm an American. But I'm an American Muslim. In fact, I consider myself a very patriotic American Muslim, which means I would die for this country…"
"by blowing myself up…"
"in a Dunkin' Donuts."
Here's more unfunny Muslim Humor:
BBC - Muslim comedians laugh at racism, Excerpt:
With his bushy black beard and skullcap, Azhar Usman strides on to the stage with a raucous "Assalam Aleikum."
"For those who don't know what that means, I'll explain it to you," he declares. "It means: 'I'm gonna kill you.'" The audience bursts into laughter.
There are other Muslim "comedians" than these three:
There is Tissa Hami a female, 30-year-old Iranian-American who performs her routine dressed in traditional Islamic hijab and jokes about stoning, harems, and hostage-taking. Topics that usually bring the house down in my home. Tissa is self-deluded if she thinks she is showing that Muslims can laugh at themselves; her type of irreverent attitude has gotten other young women hanged in Iran. She should know better.
Child Rights Information Network, 3 Oct 2004, IRAN: Girl, 16, hanged
It was when Atefeh appeared before Judge Rezaii for a fourth time that she lost her temper - and also her life. In a rage she tore off her hi jab - a headscarf - and told the judge she had been raped and it was his duty to punish her tormentors, not their victim.
Rezaii told her she would hang for her "sharp tongue" and that he would put the noose around her neck himself. It became a personal crusade as he travelled to Tehran and convinced the Supreme Court to uphold his verdict.
Yes, the mullahs would love Tissa Hami's sharp tongue.
BBC - Muslim comic sees the funny side, Female Muslim comic Shazia Mirza: "I'm Shazia Mirza," she said. "At least that's what it says on my pilot's licence."
BBC - Dark humour for dark times, Excerpt: Tissa Hami, an Iranian American, warns with a hint of a smile that if people do not laugh she will take them hostage.
What these Muslim comics do not understand is that for self-deprecating humor to work, you have to make fun of yourself, not intimidate your audience. Jews make fun of themselves but they never cross the line. For example, you will never see a Jewish comic get up to an audience and say, "Shalom, and if you don't know what that means, let me explain, it means I come in the middle of the night and suck the blood from your children, and take their organs to sell on the medical market." That's not funny.
Here's a pointless Kodak moment:
If Muslims want to know what Muslim Humor is, they have to read Planck's Constant. Here's what's funny:
- On my flight to New York there must have been an Israeli in the bathroom the entire time. There was a sign on the door that said "occupied."
- What do you say to a Muslim woman with two black eyes? What’s to say? You already told her twice!
- Q. How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None! They sit in the dark forever and blame the Jews for it!
- Q: How many Palestinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: If you wait long enough, the Palestinians will manage to screw themselves.
- Q: How many palestinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Even if you change it, they'll never see the light.
- Q: How many palestinians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the prison maintenance staff takes care of that.
- Q: How many Muslims does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. If the lightbulb has died, it is the will of Allah, and it would be blasphemy to attempt to change it.
- Did you hear about the Broadway play, "The Palestinians"?
- What did one Palestinian woman say to the other?
Does my bomb look big in this?
- What do you call a first-time offender in Saudi Arabia?
- So Abdul comes up to me and I notice stitches on both his wrists. So I say to him, "Abdul, I see you won your appeal."
- Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?
It features full facial nudity!
- Why do Palestinians find it convenient to live on the West Bank?
Because it's just a stone's throw from Israel!
- Why are Palestinian boys luckier than American boys?
Because every Palestinian boy will get to join a rock group!
- Q: What does the sign say above the nursery in a Palestinian maternity ward?
A: "Live ammunition."
- A Palestinian girl says to her mommy: "Can I have Abdul's room after he blows up?"
- A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?"
"Would you like Black or White?"
"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man, so he asked,"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant,"The Muslim one blows itself up!"
- Hassan, a Palestinian, sees a friend over the Israeli fence. "Hey, Achmed, how do you get on the other side?" Achmed looks at him, scratches his head and says, "Hassan, you are on the other side."
- So Fatima says to me, "My husband is so fat..."
Naturally, I fall for it and ask, "How fat is he?"
She says, "My husband is so fat it took two bombs to blow him up."
- Did you hear about the Palestinian girls' night out? They sat around getting stoned.
- Three boys in the fifth grade at an Israeli school are playing measure the wienie; a Bedouin, a Jew, and a Palestinian.
The Bedouin pulls his out and it's only 3 inches long. Not bad (remember this is the fifth grade).
The Jew pulls his Kosher sausage out and it, too, is 3 inches long.
Farook, the Palestinian boy, draws his out from his shorts and it is 6 inches long!
His two schoolmates are impressed: "That has to be the biggest wienie in the whole school!"
So Farook runs excitedly home and asks his father, "Abba, I have the largest penis in the fifth grade, is it that Allah has blessed me because I am Muslim?"
His father sighs and says, "no, Farook, it is because you are 19 years old."
- When a Palestinian says they had a blast at a friend's house the other night, they're not talking about a party.
- Q. What's the difference between a Muslim and a dog?
A. You don't have to beat the dog with a stick to teach it something new.
- Q. How can a Muslim tell if his wife is happy?
A. Who cares?
- Q. What do you call a Muslim with half a brain?
- There were 3 men waiting for a bus ride in Montana, a cowboy, an indian and a Muslim.
The cowboy trying to make small talk asked the other two how life was treating them. The indian not really wanting a conversation says "Once before you cowboys came we were many and now we are few."
The Muslim sees his chance and tells the other two, "Once we were few and now we are many, so watch your back."
The cowboy looks up at the Muslim and says. "We ain't played cowboys and Muslims yet."
- Q. Why do Muslims wear those robes in Saudi Arabia?
A. Goats can hear a zipper a mile away.
- Two Muslims:
- I heard that you have made a band.
- Yes, it’s a quartet.
- How many of you are there?
- There are three.
- Me and my brother.
- You have a brother?
- No, why do you ask?
Variations of above:
Photo Credit: Mike Keefe Political Cartoons
Muslim Kitchen Accessory
Photo Credit: MaxBlog.az
al-Taqiyya comes natural to Muslims:
Thank you, thank you My name is Goffaq Yussef.
the anti-jihad pundit, The new source of Muslim outrage
It's a song sang by these four Chechen girls, titled "Eastern Fairy Tale". The lyrics of this song run: "Do you want to be my fourth wife? Yeah, if you are my sixth husband". In the video, a boy asks the question and the group leader just answers.
And there comes the real problem: the President of the Russian Islamic Committee, Gaydar Dzhemal, has declared that the video is immoral, because the "girls appear [in the video] as Muslims [he says Middle East Women] and because of that, they have offended to all Muslim women by spreading the offensive idea that is possible to have more than one husband".
Translated from Eurabian News.
Where is the sense of humour of a very important part of the Muslims that has been lost in so distant places that they cannot reach for it? It's a SONG, for God's sake….
[Actually the girls are one of Russia's favorite girlie groups, the Blestyashy]
For more Palestinian jokes see Gates of Vienna.
Click on al Qaeda training video image to view video: