self-cleaning underwear: celebrities respond from Planck's Constant

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Many of you readers will recall your mother's warning never to venture outside unless your underwear is spotless; God Forbid you're in an car accident and after they wipe away all the blood, guts, urine, and broken bones they should discover brown stains on your underwear!

Well, worry no more: Self-Cleaning Underwear Goes Weeks Without Washing: A protective coating of nanomaterial repels water, oil and bacteria. Excerpt:

Self-cleaning fabrics could revolutionize the sport apparel industry. The technology, created by scientists working for the U.S. Air Force, has already been used to create t-shirts and underwear that can be worn hygienically for weeks without washing.
The new technology attaches nanoparticles to clothing fibers using microwaves. Then, chemicals that can repel water, oil and bacteria are directly bound to the nanoparticles. These two elements combine to create a protective coating on the fibers of the material.

This coating both kills bacteria, and forces liquids to bead and run off.

The U.S. military spent more than $20 million to develop the fabric, deriving from research originally intended to protect soldiers from biological weapons.

Until now one was stuck using disposable underwear made by spraying a chemical formula directly onto the skin. Thousands of fibers splatter against your skin; the fibers bind together to create disposable apparel. But who wants to walk around carrying a spray can of your undergarments?

The best spray on clothing I've ogled has been on Pamela David seen here with her soccer outfit sprayed on (click on photo for larger view and gallery).

Darn this attention deficit disorder! What were we talking about? Oh yeah, self cleaning underwear. As a public service, I have gone out and asked various celebrities for their their opinion on self-cleaning underwear and am happy to reveal their responses:

Britney Spears: Who wears underwear?

Paris Hilton: I hate it, How can I sell my stained panties on Ebay with this crap - I mean non-crap.

Rosie O'Donnell: I tried it but I couldn't get those nanotubes over my fat ass.

Michael Moore: This is nothing new - I haven't changed my underwear in months and liberals still kiss my ass.

Defeatist coward Congressman John Murtha: But will it help me get rid of the ugly yellow stain down my back?

President Ahmadnejad of Iran: We doubt the existence of such underwear and have scheduled a Self-Cleaning Underwear Denial Conference. We don't care about clean undergarments, the only important thing is wiping out the stain of Israel off the map of the world. In addition, it is historical fact that the Israeli army is responsible for most Muslims pooping in their pants.

This is not the first time that Science Fiction has predicted technology that is coming of age today: Technovelgy.com - Chameleon t-shirts that can mimic a background, or replay any patterns at will? , Excerpt:

Sounds like the mimetic polycarbon suit from William Gibson's 1984 novel Neuromancer:
The Panther Modern leader, who introduced himself as Lupus Yonderboy, wore a polycarbon suit with a recording feature that allowed him to replay backgrounds at will.
(Read more about the polycarbon suit) A real-life polycarbon suit is the dream of Greg Sotzing of the University of Connecticut in Storrs. He has developed threads of electrochromic polymers which change colour in response to an applied electric field.

Pravda - Self-cleaning underwear needs no washing for weeks, Excerpt:

Science fiction writer Neal Stephenson wrote specifically about nanotech fabrics that stayed clean; he referred to "fabricules" in his 1995 novel The Diamond Age:
...with a quick brush, John and Gwendolyn were able to transfer most of the dirt onto their white gloves. From there it went straight into the air. Most gentlemen's and ladies' gloves nowadays were constructed of infinitesimal fabricules that knew how to eject dirt...

Science fiction writer Stanislaw Lem wrote about spray-on clothing in his 1961 novel Return from the Stars.