Months before Apple's iPhone came out a select few developers were playing with the device. The iPhone's debut is over now, so Apple junkies are asking, "What next? - What will Steve Jobs come up with next?" Luckily I was chosen to test out Apple's next future technology, code-named i3 (pronounced "eye-yai-yai").
The device is a future history viewer. It is common knowledge in the entertainment business that it is almost impossible to come up with any genuine, original content anymore. Even game-shows where naked circus midgets marry female serial killers lost on a millionaire's island filled with lepers juggling swords while riding on wild boar have failed to attract an audience. Every story from past history has already been made into a book, play, film, documentary, docudrama, sequel, role-playing game, poster, musical, reality-show, comedy review, and animated cartoon. The only stories we haven't already heard a hundred times are future histories.
This is where Apple's i3 comes in. It is currently in Alpha but the way it works is rather simple. The i3 is actually 3 separate, micro-Schrodinger engines that triangulate synchronized photons toward a common point in Hilbert Space. The three devices are spaced exactly some Fibonacci number apart from each other; that is, if I name each device i-one, i-two, and i-three, then i-one can be 13 inches from i-two which is 21 inches away from i-three which is 34 inches away from i-one.
After rubbing in the target date on a thumb-dial, a holographic image will shimmer into view. I have picked exactly two years into the future from today. It is January 20th, 2009 and Hillary Clinton is in the White House spending her first night as President of the United States. She has waited so long for this moment. She's hoping she doesn't blow it like her husband did. Well, that's not actually accurate, but you know what she means.
She passes a familiar portrait on the wall and the ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary asks,
"How can I best serve my country?"
Washington says, "Never tell a lie."
"Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...
Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"
Jefferson says, "Listen to the people."
"Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...
Hillary asks, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
Apple IPhone. Get A Replicate FREE! - video powered by Metacafe
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For more of my articles like this see Humor, -Funny, Politics, -Hillary
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