Laws of the Natural Universe
We are all familiar with the Law of Gravity, which may not even exist yet everyone falls for it, but are you familiar with these? (most I've collected from the Internet, a few are mine)
John's Law of the Toilet: The telephone will not ring all day until you go to take a pee.
The Law of Weather: It only rains when you forget your umbrella.
Lorenz's Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
The Law of Airplanes: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer onto is right on time.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Darby's Law: As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of weight or body image being discussed approaches one. That is, when there is nothing more to say, someone will write, "But fat girls shouldn't be flying anyway." [originated in a myspace political group when people couldn't stop derailing threads]
The Law of Conservation of Filth: In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.
Kovac's Conundrum: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Cannon's Karmic Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Shigo's Law - If the research gets your hands dirty, it won't get done.
O'Brien's Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bell's Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Jones' Law of Zoos and Museums: The most interesting specimen will not be labelled.
Ruby's Principle of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
The Law of Toothaches: A toothache will only start on saturday night.
The Two Rules of Life:
1) If it doesn't move and should, use WD-40.
2) If it shouldn't move and does, use duct tape.
The Law of Lost Items: When looking for something, you always find what you were not looking for.
Law of Chinese Restaurants: If you are the ONLY customer sitting in a Chinese restaurant - when the next person comes in - the hostess will seat him or her right next to you.
Willoughby's Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Witches Law: What goes around comes around - times three.
Zadra's Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Grover's law: Whenever one Internet user accuses another of being a "sock puppet" (i.e. fake identity) without proof, the argument is over and the accuser has lost the argument.
Breda's Rule of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Wen's Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something, which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
The Law of Small Print: The more likely and the sooner that a product will run out of warranty - the smaller the fine print.
Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
The Law of Intersections: The longer the crosswalk, the shorter the walk signal will stay lit.
The Law of Drugstores: The more you need the product for your health the further it is away from the cash register. Your prescription is at the far, far end of the pharmacy and smokes are right by the register.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
Allah's Law: If it is fun, beautiful, or feels good, it is haram [forbidden].
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
The Law of Banks: Banks leave the doors open but chain down the pens.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Shaniqwa's Rule: Shaniqwa (or any woman with an Ebonic moniker) will stay quiet during the entire movie until the most important moment in the film - then she will make a cellphone call for a hairstyling appointment.
And finally
Bernie's Law: trial lawyers will manipulate and distort any existing law to generate outrageous fees by filing frivolous suits to fix problems that could have easily and cheaply been solved with a simple letter.
Darina's Laws are opposite to Murphy's Law:
DARINA's LAWS If Something can go right, it will!
Transforming Murphy's Paranoia into Darina's Pronoia
1 EASE - Nothing is as hard as it looks.
2 DURATION - Everything takes shorter than you think.
3 PRONOIA - Anything that can go right will go right.
4 SYNCHRONICITY - If there is a possibility of several things going right, the one that will cause the most benefit will happen simultaneously right there & then.
5 MIRACLES - If something simply cannot go right, it will anyway, somehow.
6 HELP - If you perceive that there are only 2 possible ways in which something can go right, and forget these, then a third way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
7 EVOLUTION - Left to themselves, things tend to go from good to better.
8 VALIDATION - If everything seems to be going well, you must be changing in the right direction.
9 NATURE - Nature tends to hide a flaw by giving other gifts instead.
10 MOTHER NATURE - is a joke-cracking grandmother, full of wisdom & surprises.
11 KIDS - It is impossible to make anything kid-proof because kids are so ingenious.
12 START - Whenever you set out to do something, the worst part is already behind.
13 SOLUTIONS - Every problem breeds new solutions.
14 TASTE - The taste of food is inversely proportional to its quantity.
15 HUMAN DYNAMICS - People get better under pressure.
16 OPTIMISM - Smile... tomorrow will be super.
17 SERENDIPITY - Everything goes well all of a sudden, simultaneously.
18 SAVING - Matter will be saved in direct proportion to its value.
19 SMART WORK - All's well when you work smarter, not harder.
20 SIMPLICITY - Even the most complicated theory contains the most simple truth.
Related:
Eternity Road - On Preaching To The Choir: Second-Order Effects In Political Outreach, Excerpt: No doubt those who championed the 1990 Americans with Disabilities Act never intended that it should bring forth a new industry of lawyers who specialize in suing small businesses and demanding extortionate settlements. But intentions have no power to trump incentives.
