Mother`s Breasts Offend Airline Stewardess from Planck's Constant

The human body seems to have been constructed in the manner of a Swiss-Army knife. We send semen out the same orifice that we expel waste fluids. Both nourishment and air pass through the pharynx. Speech and taste are taken care of with the tongue. The inner ear has both auditory (hearing) and vestibular (balance) components. The vagina can function both as an exit station for new babies or as a four-letter nasty reference to Hillary Clinton.

It seems efficiency through brevity and duplication of function were the guiding principle in the design of the human body. Its beauty derives from its succinct simplicity. Besides, where would we place and fit another 8 orifices which now share duties?

The above reflections were brought on when I read that a 27-year-old mom was forced off a commercial plane for breastfeeding. The flight attendant obviously did not and does not understand the intelligent design of female breasts. She ignored the maternal nourishment aspect and focused on their use as erotic playthings.

Newsweek Health,
Breasts on a Plane
Emily Gillette, a 27-year-old mom from Santa Fe, N.M. said her troubles began when she and her husband and their almost 2-year-old daughter River were traveling from Vermont to New York. Their flight was delayed three hours and... when the family finally boarded their Freedom Airlines flight at 10 p.m. [it was] well past the toddler’s normal bedtime. The family headed to their seats at the back of the little plane. [snip] As the plane was getting ready to move, Gillette tucked in next to the window and began to discreetly nurse River. That’s when Gillette noticed the lone flight attendant holding out a blanket, telling Gillette that she needed to cover up. "I was holding my shirt closed with one hand. There was literally not a bit of my breast exposed,” she says. "I was being as discreet as possible.” When Gillette refused, Gillette says the flight attendant responded; "You are offending me. You need to cover up.” Gillette refused again. Gillette says the flight attendant huffed off, and returned with a ticket agent, who told the family that they were being thrown off the plane.

I don't understand, if you are offended by the sight of someone breastfeeding, don't look.

I was able to obtain an exclusive photo of this idiot stewardess when she was a mere infant and if you click on the image for a full view [warning - this may be NSFW in some companies], it explains a lot about her early development and eventual disgust over the human body and in female breasts in particular.

I was a breast fed baby until I learned to ride a bike really well. Fortunately for my mother that happened before I was five. Needless to say, I am much healthier than all of my bottle-fed friends and acquaintances. Yes, I do ask. In fact, when someone has an interesting rash on their necks or arms I ask if they use fabric softener in their dryer; almost all of the time that is the cause. So I'm a nosy, pompous bastard; what can I say?

Anyone may republish this article for non-commercial use without asking my permission. I make it easy, see details here.