If Yogi Berra were a Muslim from Planck's Constant

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Yogi Berra 1974
Photo: Triborough.

Yogi Berra wasn't just the greatest catcher in Baseball, he was also an expert at mangling the English language. You've probably come across a Yogi-ism or two in your lifetime:

"It ain't over 'til it's over"

"Never answer an anonymous letter"

"You can observe a lot by watching"

"The future ain't what it used to be"

Amazingly they actually sound like astute observations about life.

So I wondered, what would Yogi sound like if he had a Muslim cousin Yogi Terra [with apologies to Yogi Berra].

"Always go on your friend's suicide mission, otherwise he won’t go on yours.”

"If Mahmoud didn't blow up - He'd still be alive."

"I didn't really mean everything I meant to say." [al Taqqiyya]

When told Israel was attacking Lebanon last year: "It's deja Jew all over again"

"Any woman with an old, worn-out hijab needs a dressing down"

On why Muslims keep losing against Israel: "It ain't Kosher the way Jews fight."

"I numbered each of my three wives from 1 to 4"

"When you come to a fork in the road...stick it in the Jew's throat"

When asked why al Fatah was failing in Gaza: "Too many of our friends are enemies."

"Anyone who says Islam is peaceful hasn't been shot dead by a Muslim"

"If people don't want to die for Allah, let them."

"If the world were 100% Muslim, most of the Jews would still be a pain in the neck."

"Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded with Jews!"

On the bombing of Baghdad in 2003: "Lighting up the sky with bombs isn't always a bright thing to do."

"Islam is 90% Sunni. The other half are Shiites."

"Half the lies they tell about Islam aren't true."

"Why should my children learn engineering? Let them ride the camel as I did."

"Ignorant? Muslims are not ignorant, we're just not too smart."

"So I'm ugly. So what? I never saw anyone hit his wife with his face."

On the destruction of the Ottoman Empire: "You wouldn't have won if the Turks had beaten you."

You can get all of Yogi's famously quotable quotes gathered by Yogi and his family in the Yogi Book - "I really didn't say everything I said"; an autographed copy can be purchased here.

Based on his style of speaking, Yogi was named Wisest Fool of the Past 50 Years by the Economist magazine in January 2005.