A Salmagundi of Pirate Tales

By Bernie on 19 Sep 2007

Ahoy, me hearties! 'Tis Talk Like a Swashbuckler Tide again an' I be havin' a booty chest a merry yarns fer ye so let`s hoist th' mizzen whilst I spin ye th' important tales o' th' tide:

Skuttle me Skippers 't looks like more anti-Israeli lies from a biased media:

Smooth Stone,
France2: Release th' Secret Muhammad al Durah Tapes!

A French journalist, Philippe Karsenty, th' editor o' Media-Ratings, www.m-r.fr, an internet service that monitors th' French media, be goin' t' court in Paris on Wensdee, Septembree 19 t' appeal a judgment fer defamation brought against th' lad's by France-2 television fer questionin' Enderlin`s veracity an' challengin' th' lad's t' explain obvious defects an' inconsistencies in th' al-Durah story. Part o' th' reason fer th' original judgment goin' against Karsenty cited by th' court be th' absence o' an official complaint from Israel or th' IDF regardin' th' veracity o' th' France-2 story. However, as early as Novembree 2000, investigations on behalf o' th' IDF`s Southern Command proved mathematically an' physically that th' IDF forces on th' poop deck couldna be seein' al-Durah from the'r position an' that 't be physically impossible fer the'r bullets t' be havin' killed th' lad's.

Another example o' portists in th' MSM:

Right Voices,
WaPa Calls Thompson A Liar Fer Statin' That U.S. Has Shed More Blood Than Any Other Nation T' Brin' Liberty

Here be what Fred spake:
# "Ye know, ye look aft o'er our history, an' 't doesn’t take ye long t' reckon that our swabbies be havin' shed more blood fer other swabbies’s liberty than any other combination o' nations in th' history o' th' world.”

Avast ye varmints! Proof o' cooperation between Iran an' Syria in th' proliferation an' development o' weapons o' mass destruction:

Gateway Pundit,
Dozens o' Iranians & Syrians Sink t'Davy Jones' locker in Sarin Nerve Gas Test

Accordin' t' th' report, cited by Channel 10, th' joint Syrian-Iranian team be attemptin' t' mount a chemical warhead on a Scud missile when th' explosion occurred, spreadin' lethal chemical agents, includin' sarin nerve gas.

Blow me down! Most church attendees be havin' nay idee o' what’s actually goin' on behind th' scenes in the'r particular denominations:

Faultline USA,
Pledgin' Yer Moral Stand fer Immigrants Starboards

The treasure sent t' ministries sponsored by th' NCC go t' support a variety o' Social Justice values – many o' which be clearly Marxist/socialistic values: communal salvation (as opposed t' swabbie salvation), open borders, sanctuary fer illegal aliens, an smart-like end t' th' war in Iraq, an' eradicatin' America’s Whiteness (White Privilege) once an' fer all. Warfare conducted by a nation (bad) be nay viewed in th' same light as a revolution (good). Social Justice, born o' Marxist Liberation Theology, promotes th' view that Jesus be a revolutionary leader an' any revolution by an oppressed swabbies against th' established order be considered a Christian duty. Need I go on?

ARRRGHHHH, what be havin' I been tellin' ye all along?:

Texas Fred's,
Iran Draws Up Plans t' Bomb Israel

Th' deputy commander o' Iran’s air force spake Wensdee that plans ben drawn up t' bomb Israel if th' Jewish state attacks Iran, accordin' t' th' semi-official Fars news agency.

Alas, sadly we will do nothin' about Iran:

Outside the Beltway,
Why Bush Won’t Attack Iran

Steve Clemons has a provocative piece at Salon arguin' that, despite a near-consensus among th' foreign policy elite that war wi' Iran be inevitable, President Bush will likely let Iran join th' nuclear club rather than launchin' military action.

mohammed as a dogDogs ahoy! Islamists be insulted again:

Gates of Vienna,
Testin' th' Limits

Vilks reminded his audience that th' drawin' had been meant as a provocation. Th' art an' culture communities in Sweden repeatedly criticize th' United States an' Israel, he spake, whereas Muslim countries be rarely e'en questioned. Th' caricature o' Muhammad as a ‘roundabout dog’ be his way o' "testin' th' limits” o' art.

"Thar she blows! Muslim charities be jus' a fore fer terror funding:

Woman Hoor Thyself,
MSM notices th' Muz ThreaT

A knot o' terrorism researchers say th' memos an' audiotapes, many translated from Ar-abic an' containin' detailed strategies by th' international Be-lamist squadron th' Mus–lim Brotherhood, be proof that extremists be havin' long sought t' replace th' Constitution wi' Sha–riah, or Be-lamic law.

bikini pirate womanAnd here be a useless product:

Third World County,
Better Profits Through Scaremongerin'!

Merck has begun marketin' its Gardasil vaccine as applicable t' young boys. So, what’s th' big deal?

Gardasil, Merck’s cervical cancer vaccine, has already been heavily marketed t' young lasses (actually, t' brainwashed soccer moms fer the'r young lasss). Th' real market fer Gardasil be young lasses who be havin' compromised immune systems. (HPV be almost nerea problem fer lasses wi' uncompromised immune systems, an' less so fer lasses who do nay engage in risky behaviors like scootin' between multiple sex partners, drug use, etc.)

Here be rap mixed wi' seafarin' hearty talk:

Pursuing Holiness,
Bannin' th' "N-word,” Global Warmin' an' Gay Marriage

Nearly twenty voyages ago, a member o' me family explained t' me at length why thar be nothin' wrong wi' th' lass' usin' th' "N-word” on accoun' o' she be referencin' low-class, criminal, drug-dealin', nay child support payin', young black men - nay all black swabbies. Nerethat! Besides, they use 't All. Th'. Time. so 't must be arrr. An' yet, at th' end o' th' tide, I had t' explain that she be either goin' t' give up th' use o' that word in me presence, or nay spend time wi' me or me lass. I didn’t want me lass, who be very young at th' time, raised in an environment 'ere that word be considered acceptable. I find 't interestin' that Snoop used th' exact same argument as me relative. Snoop can do what he wants, but I think that th' hypocrisy be worth notin', as well as th' fact that 't perpetuates socially acceptable racist terms.

And if ye be wonderin' what be a salmagundi, 'tis

1) a salad o' chopped meat, anchovies, eggs, an' onions, often arranged in rows on lettuce an' served wi' vinegar an' oil. Or anythin' a seafarin' hearty chef can put together.

2) a mixture or assortment; a potpourri.

Yarr. Others be speakin' swashbuckler today:

Perri Nelson's Website
Jeffrey Zeldman Presents

Wiki Entry fer Talk Like A Pirate Day

The Pirate Name Generator has blessed me wi' th' name Keel-Haulin' Darius Blythe, instead o' plain old Bernie.

Flickr International Talk like a Pirate Photos

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day

And if ye want t' learn how t' talk shipmate try this YouTube video:

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