Whenever I walk, it's at a rather brisk, almost furious, pace. Friends have told me that I look like I'm speed-walking in a marathon. I'm not a tourist so there's no point to walking slowly in New York and especially Chinatown since I've seen all there is to see. Or so I thought.

I was on Canal Street heading toward the Manhattan Bridge when a stunning, eye-popping, barely clad young woman started to cross the street in my direction. She sported a man's open shirt tied loosely at the waist. Even at 30 yards I could tell that she wasn't wearing a bra [click on photo right for an approximation of the young lady I saw]. I have to admit here that my body continued to head Eastward while my eyes were at right angles to my path and trained directly on her exquisite upper body. It was all I could do to avoid tripping over my tongue which now was dangling a few feet from my mouth.

Just as a gust of wind began to unfurl her shirt into full sail and reveal to me the delights of heaven I banged into a metal "No Parking" Sign, raising a loud "BONNNNNGGG" which resonated through the streets. Inside my head it sounded not unlike the great golden gong at the beginning of a Rank Studios Film. My body hit the steel pole evenly from my groin to my forehead otherwise I would most likely have knocked myself out.

I tried to recover with some athletic poise but it didn't help, she saw me me shaking my head and began to laugh. I was much too embarrassed to smile back. When I got home that night I had some bruising and swelling on my testicles and a wicked welt on my forehead. I sure could have used an airbag in my pants.

Stan Marko, one of my loyal readers, alerted me to the following related story. A young woman's life was saved by airbags that luckily inflated in time. Years of reconstructive facial surgery would have been necessary otherwise. Despite the fact that the accident could have resulted in a very gruesome scene, I must still caution some of my readers who might be a bit squeamish not to click on the image below [NSFW]: