Suppose Famous People Had Jewish Mothers. Just imagine if these folks actually HAD a Jewish Mother (a tip of the turban to Jewlarious) :

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?"

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Why can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you know how hard
it is to get this junk off the ceiling?"

NAPOLEON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "All right, if you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"

THOMAS EDISON'S JEWISH MOTHER: "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!"

PAUL REVERE'S JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man,midnight is long past your curfew!"

And then these who did have Jewish mothers:

DUTCH SCHULTZ' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't understand, what's wrong with your real name, Arthur Fleggenheimer?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written!"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S JEWISH MOTHER: "But it's your senior photograph! Couldn't you have done something about your hair?"

MOSES' JEWISH MOTHER: "That's a good story! Now tell me where you've really been for the last
forty years."

Some sayings regarding Jewish mothers:

• What is the difference between a Jewish mother and a rottweiler?
  The rottweiler will eventually let go.


• How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
  None: “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just sit here in the dark. It’s not like you care. You never write. You never call…"


• Jewish Mother's Answering Machine:

  If you want chicken soup, press 1;
  If you want matzoh balls with the soup, press 2;
  If you want varnishkas, dial 3;
  If you want knishes press 4;
  If you want to know how am I feeling, you are calling the wrong number since nobody ever asks me how I am feeling.

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