Suicides are not worth 1 Million Dollars from Planck's Constant

Don't Jump Off the Bridge!
Photo by: _gk_

I just read that a million and a half of my tax dollars via the stimulus package will be used in an Ohio city to install fencing on a bridge to keep people from jumping to their deaths ¹.

Jumping off of bridges is the best way for a person to commit suicide and so preventing this is not only a waste of money but dangerous as well. If the city goes ahead with its plans, this poor shlub will now have to find a tall building to jump from or to walk in front of a speeding bus and thus possibly injuring or even killing those of us who actually enjoy living.

This will not stop suicides it only redirects them to another venue. What would be better would be a weatherproof kiosk (at a lot cheaper cost) with a big neon sign, "Before you jump..." with an interactive video monitor asking them the following:

Before you Jump, answer these 5 questions:

Do you have a terminal disease?

Are you in constant, unbearable, unremitting pain?

Have you lost your entire fortune to Bernie Madoff?

Are you a Liberal?

Are you a Muslim?

If you answered YES to any of these questions then you really have nothing to live for - please use gangplank #1 as this will land you on concrete pilings below insuring your instant death and avoiding at the same time any innocent casualties. We're sorry that you do not have a life worth living.

If you answered NO to all of the above, then you can plainly see that your life is not as miserable as you thought. Please go back home and thank your lucky stars that you are better off than any of the 5 above.

Cheaper than a fence and more likely to keep a person from going somewhere else to jump is a crisis counseling hotline as seen here at the Golden Gate bridge, San Francisco.

Notes

(1):

Akron Beacon Journal, Stimulus to pay for anti-suicide fence in Ohio
AKRON, Ohio (AP) — An Ohio city plans to use federal stimulus money to install fencing on a bridge to keep people from jumping to their deaths.
One person has committed suicide this year from Akron's All-America Bridge. Two did last year.

A father of a suicide victim is praising the decision to add the fence, at a cost of up to $1.5 million. Robert Conley says it might have stopped his son Kevin from killing himself in 2006.

Akron Mayor Don Plusquellic (pluhs-KWEHL'-ihk) notes that the government now requires new bridges to have fencing.

Akron is receiving a total of $21 million for road and bridge projects from the federal program intended to create jobs and stimulate the economy.