Model Mary Segovia says that plastic surgeon Dr Jose Manus Barvaria, left her nipples “uneven” when he performed a breast implant on her last month. Ms. Segovia says she has contacted a lawyer and plans to file suit in the National Court of Justice in Mexico City.

Click on photo to see Model Mary Segovia's alleged uneven nipples [NSFW].

Some of my readers may indeed wonder what the fuss is all about - that is to say, why should a woman worry about a nipple out of sync, it's not as if a baby will have a hard time finding it to suckle. These readers are missing the real purpose of nipples: to make wet t-shirt contests more exciting as well as singing strip-o-grams, mud and oil wrestling, and pole dancing. It would just be very annoying to expect a nipple in one spot only to have to search around all over the breast to locate its true position. Men do not have the patience for this. We have a limited amount of blood flowing to our brains at these events and therefore intricate geometric positioning is out of the question. Things should be exactly where they belong.

If men were drawn to women for their sparkling personalities, wit, talent, or intelligence God would not have attached nipples to breasts, he would have put them in the middle of their foreheads. You know, so when we men talk to women we wouldn't have to look down at their breasts.

Speaking of bouncing breasts, you might find it interesting that women need different bras for different activities. Here is a website that allows women to choose a sports bra depending on cup-size. The animations are not safe for work. Don't ask me how I found this website - sometimes my fingers have a life of their own: nipple carpal syndrome.

And yes I know the photo of Ms. Segovia has been photoshopped, I found the original image here, the nipples are perfectly aligned but warning NSFW.

Disclaimer: although my wife is beautiful, I married her because she is also smart, has a great sense of humor, is warm, generous, a great businesswoman , an inventive cook, neat, tireless, a most loving mother and grandmother, sexy, sensual, and in almost every regard has the same Libertarian views of the world that I do.

I should also add that my wife never, ever reads my blog and so this last paragraph is not for her benefit but merely a reminder to myself of why I love her.