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Free Republic, 24 June 2009, Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

Washington, DC -- June 23, 2009

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of September 1, 2009.

The move is being made in order to save the President's $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $750 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead that his office has incurred during the last 3 months.

It is anticipated that $7 trillion can be saved to the end of the President's term. "We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). "We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Obama was informed by email this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been underway for some time.

Gurvinder Singh, a tele-technician for Indus Teleservices, Mumbai India , will assume the office of President as of September 1, 2009. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, NY . Thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India , he will be working primarily at night. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the Dell Computer call center," stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview.

"I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as Obama had never been familiar with the issues either.

Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. "We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson.

"Obama has used them successfully for years, with the result that some people actually thought he knew what he was talking about."

Obama will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two-week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 26 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Obama has been provided with the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Obama may have difficulties in securing a new position due to a lack of any successful work experience during his lifetime.

A greeter position at WalMart was suggested due to Obama's extensive experience at shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

The Conservatard, 25 May 2007, Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency

May 25, 2007: Washington, DC (Conservatard Press News Service) —

Goodby Washington, Hello Walmart.

Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India as of July 1, 2007. The move is being made in order to save the President’s $500,000 yearly salary, and also a record $521 Billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 5 years. “We believe this is a wise financial move. The cost savings are huge,” stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA).

“We cannot remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay.” Reynolds noted. Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been under way for some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will assume the office of President as of July 1, 2007. Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position.

He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month, but with no health coverage or other benefits. The ten-hour time difference means that daytime in Mumbai is the wee hours in Washington DC. “Since my prime-time job is in the evening at the Dell Computer call center, I will be working days. Fortunately, not many offices of the US Government will be open then,” stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. “I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President.” It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff.

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem as President Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issue at all. “We know these scripting tools work,” stated the spokesperson. “President Bush has used them successfully for years.” Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment.

Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $140 a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical or successful work experience.

A recently released report from the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. “I’ve been there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there,” stated Mr. Bush. He gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.

A Greeter position at Wal-Mart has also been suggested, in view of Bush’s extensive experience shaking hands, as well as his special smile.

Congress continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities, including the office of Vice-president and most of the Cabinet positions.