Charlie Sheen Jokes from Planck's Constant

Charlie Sheen, whoremonger, coke-head, pathetic drunk and borderline psychotic has made such a fool of himself that he deserves ridicule and his own section of jokes.

The following were collected from the Internet plus I added a few of my own:

Q: What's the difference between Charlie Sheen and Muamar Qadafi?
A: Qadafi is nowhere near a crazed megalomaniac as Sheen.

Comedian Joan Rivers tweeted, "I hear there's so much snow on the ground in New York City that it looks like they're filming 'The Charlie Sheen Story.'"

Q: Sheen's ex-wife is seeking full legal custody of both kids. What is Charlie seeking?
A: Filthy whores and pornstars.

Q: Who will suffer the most financially from Charlie Sheen's legal problems?
A: Filthy whores and pornstars.

Q: How much coke did Charlie Sheen take in January?
A: Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

Q: Why did Charlie Sheen threaten his wife with a knife?
A: Because he left his gun in Los Angeles!

Q: What's the name of the new Charlie Sheen sitcom?
A: Two And A Half Personalities.

Q: What is Higher?
A1: Food prices
A2: Gas Prices
A3: Unemployment
A4: Charlie Sheen

Q: What part of the female anatomy is Charlie's favorite?
A: A woman's chin - so he has a place to rest his testicles.

Charlie Sheen walks into a bar with a beat-up, filthy, cock-eyed parrot on his shoulder. The bartender looks at him in disgust and asks, "Sheesh, where did you find that crazy-looking thing? The parrot says, "In Hollywood."

Charlie Sheen stumbles into a whorehouse with a beer in each hand and yells out, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the city!"

"We got her!" replies the madam. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."

Charlie pays the madam for the whore and stomps up the stairs, kicks open the second door on the right and yells, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the city!" The woman inside the room looks at Charlie and says, "You found her!" She then strips naked, bends over and grabs her ankles.

Surprised, Charlie asks, "How do you know I want to do it in that position?"

"I don't," replies the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers before we get started."

When Charlie Sheen was a little lad in the fifth grade he yelled out,"Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, Charlie, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little Charlie thought for a bit, then said, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a ten!"

Charlie Sheen goes into a police station crying and bawling. The cop asks him what's wrong. Charlie tells him that back at his home he has two gorgeous, stunning women who provide him with unimaginable pleasure, that cook for him, clean the house, and who don't care if he comes home drunk.

The cop scratches his head and asks, "But if you have all that why are you here crying?"

Sheen tells him, "Because I don't remember where I live."