These are Not Funny Muslim Jokes from Planck's Constant

Not all Muslim jokes are meant to be funny. The following are not really jokes at all but are purposely written to be offensive to Muslims.

The reason for that is that I need to vent.

In just the last 48 hours Muslims have blown two young girls apart, torn two children apart, slaughtered a dozen police, massacred twenty-five patrons at a tavern, and detonated an 8-year-old girl near a checkpoint ¹.

The following will not bring back any lives, but hopefully if these insults are repeated often enough, if we ridicule Muslims enough, if we convince one less person to want to become a Muslim because being a Muslim is a shameful and disgusting thing, then these offensive statements will have served a useful purpose.

Here you go:

Q: What's the best thing about having sex with a 9 year old in the shower?
A: If you pull her hair back she looks only 6.

Ahmed was taking a course on appliance repair at a technical school when the teacher asked him, "What do you do when your dishwasher doesn't get the dishes clean enough?"

Without missing a beat, Ahmed replied, "I beat her until she gets it right."

Q: What does the average Pakistani in London do after sex?
A: About ten to life.

Q: What do you say to a Muslim in a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: What do you do if you see a Muslim running around in a circle screaming?
A: Stop laughing and nail his other foot to the floor.

Q: What's the difference between a Muslim and my bike?
A: It's not funny when you throw my bike off a bridge!

Ahmet, being a typical Pakistani man, was addicted to American porn and noted that the female porn stars were hairless in their nether regions. He asked his friend Mahmud if he ever had sex with anyone like that, you know, bald down there. Mahmud replied, "Sure, but it's quite a bother putting the diaper back on."

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a Muslim?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

Q: What's the worst thing you can call a Muslim?
A: A neighbor.

If a tree falls on a Muslim in the forest, and no one is
around to hear it, is it still hilarious?

Notes

(1):

The Religion of Peace, Islam's Latest Contributions to Peace
2011.06.27 (Maiduguri, Nigeria) - Two young girls are blown to bits by Islamic bombers.
2011.06.27 (Ghazni, Afghanistan) - Two children are among seven civilians torn apart by two Taliban roadside blasts.

2011.06.27 (Dera Ismail Khan, Pakistan) - A dozen police are taken hostage and then slaughtered by a husband and wife suicide team.

2011.06.26 (Meiram, Sudan) - Arab militiamen attack a train carrying Southerners, killing one.

2011.06.26 (Maiduguri, Nigeria) - Islamists massacre twenty-five patrons at a tavern serving alcohol by tossing in bombs and firing into the building.

2011.06.26 (Char Chino, Afghanistan) - The Taliban denotate an 8-year-old girl near a checkpoint.