English for Muslims Part 2 - Sheep Farming from Planck's Constant

Photo Credit: Sodahead

A while back I explained to my readers why it's important to learn to speak English in America in articles here and here.

I even attributed much of the animosity between Americans and Muslims to misunderstandings of language in an article here.

Continuing in this humorous tradition is the following sad story about Ahmed, a Muslim immigrant from Pakistan, who started a sheep farm in Montana (would you believe there are over 84,000 sheep farms in the US) who had a problem breeding sheep because of his poor English skills.

Ahmed The Sheep Farmer

Last year Ahmed bought several sheep hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he noticed that none of the sheep were getting pregnant, and so phoned a vet for help. The vet advised him that he should try artificial insemination.

Ahmed didn't have the slightest idea what this meant, but not wanting to show his ignorance, only asked the vet how to tell when the sheep are pregnant. The vet told him that they'll stop standing around and will lie down and wallow in the grass.

Ahmed hung up and gave it some thought. He came to the conclusion that artificial insemination must mean he has to impregnate the sheep himself. As a boy growing up in a small village in Pakistan he had often seen fellow Muslims shagging sheep since sex with unmarried girls was strictly taboo. So he loaded the sheep unto his truck, drove them them out into the woods, had sex with them all, brought them back, and went to bed.

The next morning, he woke up and looked out at the sheep. Seeing that they were all still standing around, he concluded that the first try didn't take, and loaded them in the truck again. He drove them out to the woods, had sex with each sheep twice for good measure, brought them back, and went to bed.

The next morning he woke to find the sheep still just standing around. One more try, he told himself, and proceeded to load them up and drive them out to the woods. He spent all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, fell listlessly into bed.

The next morning, he couldn't even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep. He asked his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep were lying in the grass.

"No," she said, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn."

This post regarding Muslims and sheep was inspired by Obama's sheep-like cowardice toward Iran's nuclear ambitions ¹. In this regard, please consider this pithy observation by English author and Anglican priest William Ralph Inge from his Outspoken Essays: -1919: "It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favour of vegetarianism, while the wolf remains of a different opinion."

Notes

(1):

BBC, Obama on Iran nuclear issue
On the Iranian nuclear issue, Mr Obama said: "No single nation should pick and choose which nations hold nuclear weapons" and said Iran had the right to peaceful nuclear power.
President Obama said it would be difficult to "overcome decades of mistrust" but added that it was important to move forward "without preconditions on the basis of mutual respect".