My Wife Likes Bed Clutter





My wife loves bed clutter: throw pillows, throw blankets, bed cozies, snugly quilts, plushy cushions, bedspreads, silk comforters, feather duvets, tapestry bedspreads, bed skirts, crocheted wraps, patterned pillow shams, braided cable Afghans, satin sheets on top of sleeping sheets, and other decoratia.

Almost nothing on top of our bed has any utilitarian purpose - so a few minutes each night needs to be spent removing them before we can go to sleep. And worse, each morning a few minutes needs to be spent putting them back on. In a normal life-span that means my wife will waste almost half a year of her life fooling around with unnecessary bedtime activity.

I have no objection to making a decorative display in a store in order to induce customers to make a purchase, indeed presentation is likely half the selling point.

For example, when I go to a restaurant I expect the ambiance, the music, and the fragrances all to be enjoyable to the eyes, ears, and nose in order to enhance the taste of the food. When I eat at home, I do not expect my wife to flourish the meal with inedible garnishes served on oddly shaped and colorful dishes in the presentation style of cooking show host Nigella Lawson.

So while a restaurant may spend 20% of its budget on things other than food in order to turn me into a steady customer, it is a waste of time and money for my wife to do the same when I am already a captive and steady customer.

However, if we have friends and relatives coming over for Christmas dinner, then of course it makes sense to spend the extra time and money on making the dinner table look beautiful and bringing out colorful Christmas dishes.

But unless my wife expects friends and relatives to be sleeping in our bed, I do not appreciate the time she wastes making and unmaking the bed each day. While I share many of the marital chores, grocery shopping, cleaning the dishes, taking out the garbage, cooking dinner, etc. I just cannot waste my time making or unmaking the bed. I let her enjoy that psychosis all by herself.



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