No, I am not going to advise you to eat barley for breakfast, or run 5.6 mile marathons, or to get liposuction or anything like that at all. The truth is, most suggestions on how to dump that ugly fat you're carrying around do not really help at all.
But I am going to tell you the sure-fire way to get rid of that belly fat in five days:
Call a good divorce lawyer:
Some of my female readers may complain that they were misled here by the title, that they assumed this was going to be a genuine and sincere article about weight loss. Consider yourself lucky. Think about all those poor deluded women who converted to Islam thinking it was a genuine religion which exalted women only to be later abused, raped, sold to other Muslim men, forced to wear the hijab and submit quietly to their husbands. Now that's a disappointment worthy of complaint.
But here's a bonus joke about Muslim divorce: A Pakistani couple walk out of a divorce court ... the woman is in tears. "Relax," the man says. "We're still cousins."