Fourth of July Humor



Happy Birthday America. I cannot express to those of my readers who have never been to the United States how much I appreciate coming to this country 64 years ago. As an American I live better than 95% of the globe, but even if I were poor, I would rather be a homeless American than a Muslim Prince. A Muslim Prince is a prisoner of his culture while I have freedoms he cannot buy with all the oil in Arabia.

As I wrote in Heavenly Lawns and Islamic Gardens, as an American I can enjoy wine, women and song in this life while Muslim Princes, if they are true to their faith, can only enjoy wine, women and song in the next.

One of the freedoms we still have in this country, is the freedom to offend. So here are jokes sure to offend someone:

Mahmud went to a party the other day with his wife. Some people were very rude shouting "pedophile" and other names at him just because his wife is 21 and he's 50. It completely spoiled their 10th anniversary.




A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”




Bumper sticker in Afghanistan: My other car is a bomb.




I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing: I converted to Islam, and we're stoning the bitch in the morning.




Q: What do Muslims call a girl who is no longer a teenager?
A: Old.




Pakistani Goat Dance and Races
Photo Credit: United Patriots
Q: How do Muslims define "bisexual"?
A: Someone who likes girls as well as goats.




Hear about the retarded Arab terrorists?
They attacked the Special Olympics.




Q: What's the difference between American Pilots and Muslim Pilots?
A: American pilots break ground and fly into the wind.




Iranian Proverb: A woman for sons, a boy for pleasure, and a goat for sheer ecstasy.




Ahmed asks his Imam: my wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at me, what have I done wrong?
The Imam replies, "You made her chain too long."




Q: What's 100 yards long and smells of piss?
A: Muslims lining up at the welfare office.



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