My wife and I have our colonoscopies done at the same time - we don't get a discount although I asked the doc if we can get a better price - answer: no. I don't understand, Dominoes will send you coupons to your email, why can't doctors give me a coupon good for one colonoscopy for every two I get at the same time? What's wrong with modern medicine?
The worst part of the whole thing is drinking a couple of gallons of salty water, even worse than the actual procedure although we were both under anesthesia. I am told there are some people who stay awake for the thing and feel just minor discomfort. I don't know - I'm not comfortable with the idea of someone rooting around down there with a small camera - perhaps I'm just too anal-retentive a personality.
But I digress, for your reading enjoyment, just in case you decide to stay awake, here are 13 comments you can relay to your physician (hopefully he has a sense of humor) while he's performing a colonoscopy on you:
- Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before.
- Can you hear me NOW?
- Is this how you spread joy?
- You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
- By any chance were you a Rear Admiral in the Navy?
- You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey....
- Now I know how a Muppet feels!
- If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!
- Well, soon Obama will be doing this to the entire country.
- Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?
- Hey, Doc, I heard you were a crack navigator.
- Listen, if you find any loose change can you knock it off the bill?
- Shouldn't you kiss me before you do that?
I found some of the above on the Internet and I added a few of my own. Warning: despite the attempt at humor, colonoscopies are no joke - if you are over 50 get your butt over and have an examination. If you are a Liberal you won't need an anesthetic - you're already a big a**hole.
This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 35] and is updated on certain Thursdays.