13 Colonoscopy Comments


By Bernie on 30 Jul 2008


Virtual Colonoscopy

My wife and I have our colonoscopies done at the same time - we don't get a discount although I asked the doc if we can get a better price - answer: no. I don't understand, Dominoes will send you coupons to your email, why can't doctors give me a coupon good for one colonoscopy for every two I get at the same time? What's wrong with modern medicine?

The worst part of the whole thing is drinking a couple of gallons of salty water, even worse than the actual procedure although we were both under anesthesia. I am told there are some people who stay awake for the thing and feel just minor discomfort. I don't know - I'm not comfortable with the idea of someone rooting around down there with a small camera - perhaps I'm just too anal-retentive a personality.

But I digress, for your reading enjoyment, just in case you decide to stay awake, here are 13 comments you can relay to your physician (hopefully he has a sense of humor) while he's performing a colonoscopy on you:

  1. Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before.
  2. Can you hear me NOW?
  3. Is this how you spread joy?
  4. You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.
  5. By any chance were you a Rear Admiral in the Navy?
  6. You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey....
  7. Now I know how a Muppet feels!
  8. If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!
  9. Well, soon Obama will be doing this to the entire country.
  10. Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?
  11. Hey, Doc, I heard you were a crack navigator.
  12. Listen, if you find any loose change can you knock it off the bill?
  13. Shouldn't you kiss me before you do that?

I found some of the above on the Internet and I added a few of my own. Warning: despite the attempt at humor, colonoscopies are no joke - if you are over 50 get your butt over and have an examination. If you are a Liberal you won't need an anesthetic - you're already a big a**hole.

Related video:

TouTube, Lou Rawls Colonoscopy Exam in English





This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 35] and is updated on certain Thursdays.








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