More Offensive Muslim Jokes

By Bernie on 26 Sep 2008

In the name of Muslim sensibilites..
Photo courtesy of Cox & Forkum

My previous articles on Muslim Humor and Muslim Jokes were so offensive, so disgusting, so egregiously insulting that I've been asked to offer up some more Muslim jokes. If you are easily offended you shouldn't be reading my blog in the first place. Proceed with caution.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.

Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
A. They mark the camels that kick.

Q. What do Tehran and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.

Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
A. A pimp.

Q. whats the difference between a truck full of dead Muslim babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
A. The bowling bowls are hard to pick up with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you tell a Sunni from a Shiite?
A: The Sunnis are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them.

Q. What's the hardest part about a Muslim killing his own daughter?
A. Suppressing the erection.

Q: How can you tell if a Muslim girl is old enough to marry?
A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down until her chin is over the top.

Q. What's the difference between a Muslim and a vampire?
A. At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.

A Muslim walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face.

"What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.

"Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul. "I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"

"By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"

Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."

Q. What's the difference between ET and Muslims?
A. ET got the point and went home.

I went to a Muslim birthday party last night. Damn if that wasn't the fastest game of Hot Potato I've ever seen!

Q. Why are there only 2 pallbearers at a Muslim funeral?
A. There's only 2 handles on a garbage can.

Q. What do you say to a Pakistani at Christmas?
A. A quart of milk, a loaf of bread and a pack of Marlboros please.

Q. What do you call a bus with 2 Somalis falling off a cliff?
A. A waste, you could have fit at least 50 in the bus!

Q. What do you call a Muslim between two houses?
A. Ali.

Q. When's the only time you should wink at a Muslim?
A. When aiming.


Reports say the stench from the thousands of bodies in Pakistan is unbearable. Police report that it's likely to get worse now that there are dead ones.

Q. What can Saudi Arabia do to raise the average IQ in the country?
A. Allow Jews to come in.

A Russian, a Cuban, an Englishman and a Pakistani are on a train.

The Russian takes out a bottle of his best vodka, drinks a bit and throws the rest off the train and says, "There's plenty more of that where I come from."

Everyone is impressed. The Cuban takes out one of the finest Havana cigars, takes one puff and throws it off the train and says, "There's plenty more of those where I come from."

Again everyone is rather impressed. So the Englishman stands up and throws the Pakistani off the train.

Q: Where do you find a Muslim with no legs?
A: Right where you left him.

Q: What's the difference between Dar al-islam and Dannon yogurt?
A: The yogurt has a living culture.

OK, to be equally offensive to Jews, just to be fair:

Q. How was copper wire invented?
A. Once, two Jews grabbed the same penny...

Anyone may republish this article for non-commercial use without asking my permission. I make it easy, see details here.

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