Insulting Muslim Jokes
Muhammad Saed Abdul-Rahman wrote: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: "Do not laugh too much, for laughing too much deadens the heart." (Saheeh al-Jaami', 7312) (1)
This is of course directly contrary to Judaism's instructions to their faithful: "So I commended pleasure, for there is nothing good for a man under the sun except to eat and to drink and to be merry, and this will stand by him in his toils throughout the days of his life which God has given him under the sun."
So, feeling sorry for Muslims who are denied a good laugh now and again, I have collected more tasteless and insulting Muslim jokes, some from the Internet, some of my own; enjoy:
Guy goes browsing in an old antique shop in the Lower East Side of Manhattan. While there he spots a little bronze statue of a rat, absolutely perfect in every detail. He asks the shop owner how much.
"$12 for just the rat. A hundred bucks for the rat and the story that goes with it."
"Keep the story, I'll take the rat"
As soon as he leaves the shop with the bronze rat he hears a squeak behind him, looks around and sees there's a rat following him. Ignoring it he keeps on walking. A minute or two later, he looks back again and now there's a dozen rats following him. He speeds up his walk, and after a minute or two looks again - hundreds of rats and more climbing up out of the drains and joining in. He starts running. The rats start running. He heads out onto the pier, runs to the end of it with by now thousands of rats right behind him. When he reaches the end of the pier he throws the bronze rat in the sea, and the thousands of rats run straight off the end of the pier after the statue, and all drown.
A few minutes later, he's back in the old antique shop, and the owner, with a big smile on his face says, "Come back to buy the story, have you?"
"Screw the story - got any bronze Muslims?"
Q. What's the difference between pile of dead Hezbollah babies and a Lamborghini?
A. Very few Lebanese have a Lamborghini in their garage. [Planck's Constant: Hezbollah held children until they could be blown up]
Two Muslims go into a club... Boom. Boom.
The latest Christmas toy has just hit the shops - a talking Muslim doll. Only problem is, nobody knows what it says yet because nobody has the balls to pull the cord!
Q. How do you separate Muslim Men from Muslim Boys?
A. With a crowbar.
Q. How long may you look at a Muslim with one eye closed?
A. Until the magazine is empty.
Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a Muslim; I'm sorry - I'm repeating myself.
Q. How do you save a drowning Muslim?
A. Who cares?
Did you hear that they are doing bungee jumping in England now?? Muslims jump for free - no strings attached!
Q. What do you call a Muslim with half a brain?
A. Gifted.
Q. What do you call a beautiful woman in Pakistan?
A. A tourist.
Q. Why is the camel called the ship of the desert?
A. Because it's full of Muslim semen.
News Flash: A car bomb has been found outside a Mosque in London. But the public has been told not to worry as the police have managed to push it inside!
A Muslim in a London street doused himself with gasoline, set fire to himself and burnt to death.
They're having a collection for his family.
So far, they've got 20 gallons.
How many muslims does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. Their faith doesn't allow change.
Police ask the driver of the French train that crashed what caused the accident.
"Muslims." he replied.
"What," said the officer, "on the track?"
"No, On the embankment but I still got the bastards!"
I've found a place where you can find over 75,000 Muslim jokes!
It's called Minneapolis.
Little Ahmed in London says to his sister Fatima, "Let's play doctors and nurses".
Fatima says, "Where are we going to get petrol and gas canisters at our age?" [Muslim Doctors In British Airport Bombing Plot]
The social worker looks in disgust and asks, "Oh my God, where did you get that ugly thing?"
The parrot replies, "Pakistan."
For more of my Muslim Humor articles click here.
ENDNOTES
(1):
Islam: Questions And Answers, Page 20
