ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS... JEWS from Planck's Constant

If you do not see the YouTube video above click here. Lyrics are at the bottom of this post. Produced by three shiksas of Hot Box Comedy.

On the one hand some will take offense at the line "They may have killed our savior" - but satire can't please everyone; on the other hand they do say Jewish men are desirable as mates.

Some idiots in this country hate Jews. So what? Is there any group of people that are not despised by some other group? There are some Jews who are worried that Bernie Madoff gives ammo to anti-Semites everywhere, but I personally do not think there are people sitting around the dinner table who did not hate Jews before who read about Madoff's Ponzi scheme and suddenly stand up, pound the table and declare that Jews are money-grubbing maggots that should be destroyed.

What, are we supposed to be perfect? It's not enough that we win the largest share of Nobel Prizes, that Israel affords safe haven to persecuted religious minorities of the world, that Israel Creates more in One Month than Islam in a Century, that more Jews have won the US National Medal of Science than any other race or nationality, that Jews have contributed more to Western culture than any other group, must we now apologize because there are criminal Jews like Bernie Madoff?

As long as those in power are not anti-Semitic, I'm not worried about someone making fun of Jews. Mocking should be allowed; who wants to live in a world where no one is allowed to be offensive? A few years ago the employees of The Daily Star forced the newspaper to pull a page that mocked Shariah law with a series of captions and pictures because they feared being killed by religious fanatics [Asians in Media Magazine]. The employees made a grave mistake: instead of banning offensive speech, they should have banned Muslims. Obviously It wasn't the article that was the problem.

Now consider this exchange between Cartman and Kyle in South Park Episode 908 - Two Days Before The Day After Tomorrow (at the 18:00 minute mark):

Cartman: Not so fast, Kyle.
Kyle: What are you doing?
Cartman: Hand over the gold!
Kyle: What gold??
Cartman: You know what I'm talking about!
Kyle: No, Cartman, I have no idea what you're talking about!
Cartman: All Jews carry gold in a little bag around their necks! Hand it over!
Stan: [drops down a few steps and calls] Guys, come on! [goes back up the stairs]
Kyle: Jews do NOT carry gold in a little bag around their necks Cartman, stop playing around!
Cartman: [pulls out a 9 mm handgun] I'm not playing around, Kyle! If we survive this, I don't intend to live in poverty! Give me your Jew gold now!

Here we have satire making fun actually of anti-Semites, not Jews; should we ban South Park because it makes offensive speech? If we do not allow lies about Jews, we won't be able to tell the truth about Muslims. Intelligent people will be able to tell the difference.

The Lyrics

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS... JEWS
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is... Jews

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I don't even wish for snow
Just want a Jew who runs show business
Spielberg, Stiller Ari Gold
I will make a list and send it
Of my choices for St. Nick
Seinfeld, Zach Braff and Jon Stewart
Are the boys with a big schtick.
I just want them here tonight
Holding on to me so tight
I'll take Zac Efron too
all I want for Christmas is Jews.

Menorah lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the big box office
Makes Jews millionaires
They may have killed our savior
That's not the best behavior
That's OK he rose again three days later
and now I'm an active J-dater

I don't want a lot for Christmas
Gentile boys are such a bore
Goldman, Weissman, Cohen, Levy
These are names that I adore
I just want a chosen one
Hebrew boys are so much fun
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is...Jews
Baby.. All I want for Christmas is...Jews