Florence Foster Jenkins and the Religion of Peace from Planck's Constant

Photo Credit: Janrot

It happens almost every day: an email or comment arrives from a reader explaining how I misunderstand Islam, that if I just read the Quran I would see the beauty of Islam.

Then there is this piece of faultless logic: because Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world, it must be the only "true" religion. Times without number I am told that Islam is in fact a Religion of Peace. What is astounding to most people of intellect is that these poor deluded souls actually believe these things.

Is there anything more pitiful than a person so dense, so naive, so clueless that despite everyone else in the world laughing at his delusion, he yet remains steadfast in his beliefs?

Apropos, let me introduce you to Florence Foster Jenkins, a woman who actually believed she had a beautiful singing voice. Here is Fergus Gwynplaine MacIntyre describing her singing:

New York Daily News, Big Town
She had enthusiasm, and she had enough money to finance her operatic career.
What she didn't have was talent.

For 30 years, Manhattan's upper crust paid good money to hear this hefty woman murder the melodies. Her name was Florence Foster Jenkins: the dire diva of din, the caterwauling countess of cacophony. At private recitals, she usually donned her Angel of Inspiration costume, a tulle gown and a tinsel tiara buttressed with a pair of feathered wings that made her resemble an overgrown turkey. To the accompaniment of a beleaguered pianist who rejoiced in the name Cosme McMoon, she would launch into her opening number, usually the Queen of the Night's aria from Mozart's "Magic Flute." The audience got caught full-blast with a sound like alley cats pitching whoopee.

She billed herself as a coloratura soprano, but Florence Foster Jenkins couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. Her voice shifted abruptly between a shriek and a whisper. Utterly tone-deaf, she wandered all over the scale, occasionally singing the right note by sheer accident. When attempting the high notes of an aria, her mouth would continue forming the words but no sound would emerge from her throat. Audience members would cram handkerchiefs into their mouths to muffle their guffaws.

After mangling "The May Night" by Brahms, La Jenkins would announce a brief intermission, then return dressed as Carmen, with a lace shawl and jeweled combs, clutching castanets and a wicker basket of red roses. The audience would remain riveted while she screeched her way through the Spanish waltz "Clavelitos," clicking the castanets and tossing the roses out one by one. When she ran out of roses, she flung the basket too. And then she threw the castanets.

Her fans - and she had many - knew that "Clavelitos" was her favorite song, so there were usually calls for an encore. This prompted her to send Cosme McMoon into the audience to retrieve roses, basket and castanets. Props back in hand, she would sing the entire number again.

After another intermission came the grand finale, and this time the matronly madame would return costumed as the dainty chambermaid Adele from "Die Fledermaus." Her closing number was usually that opera's "Laughing Song" - a good choice, since by this point the audience could no longer suppress their gleeful howls. She always finished to thunderous applause. Possibly accompanied by the rattles of dead composers turning over in their graves.

Florence Foster Jenkins died at the age of 76 fully believing she could not only sing but sing beautifully.

So it becomes quite clear how Muslims can believe that Islam is a religion of peace. When civilized folk wink and smirk that Islam is the religion of peace, Muslims, just like Florence Foster Jenkins, miss the sarcasm that we are laughing at them.

Here is a YouTube video of Florence Foster Jenkins' infamous rendition of "Der Holle Rache" - Mozart's "Queen of the Night" aria from "The Magic Flute". But I caution, it can be unbearable to listen to if you have a musical ear.