My Lover Does Not Want Sex
I was over at the Diary of Why blog where I read her unusual complaint: her new lover is a bit hesitant to engage in coital sex so early in their relationship (1), although oral sex is no problem.
After determining that her man is not a virgin, not religious, and as far as she knows, STD free, I left her this bit of advice:
Cats chase mice, foxes run after rabbits. When they do not, something is wrong.
Unless you go to bed wearing a nightgown covered in dog-feces, a man, a real man, would be jumping on your bones.
Bees do it, even educated fleas do it, if your man doesn't do it, there is something horribly wrong with him. Run.
Here's the thing: I can understand women not wanting to have sex either before or even after marriage - their genes demand that some filtering process be used before allowing a man to impregnate them. In nature, a peahen will opt for the most extravagantly plumed peacock; a cow moose will snuggle up to the bull moose with the widest and largest antlers. Indeed, a castrated bull moose will shed his antlers giving a quick sign to the females that he's not worth their time or attention.
However, the male of every animal species is not programmed to be choosy but to impregnate whatever comes by. I am ignoring for the moment men who enjoy the company of goats.
In my eyes, the male human who chooses not to have sex with an attractive member of the opposite sex of the same species has some deep-seated problem.
ENDNOTES
(1):
Diary of Why, Why is he acting like sex is a four-letter word?
He is no longer playful and sweet. Our "relationship" has suddenly aged by years overnight. We've gone from mix cds and non-sequiturs to perfunctory phone calls, dry-lipped kisses, and absolutely no sex. Now when we go to bed he gives me a peck on the lips and a "'night babe." Oh, we've talked about it, sure, and come to no useful conclusion. Sex complicates things, he says. It speeds things up, heightens emotions. He just wants to get to know me better, first. He wants to be sure. He wants to do it, don't get him wrong; he really wants to. But he doesn't just jump into these things lightly, and he doesn't want to be pressured into it, either.
When he first said it a couple weeks ago, I was ok with it. Just another week or two, he said. And so I waited. But it's been two weeks, and he's still saying it. And now he barely touches me at all. Now he just goes to sleep. We should be passionate, mad, crazy about each other, but instead we are both on the defensive, both waiting to see how this thing will turn out, steeling ourselves for the end.
