She's the perfect woman with the perfect attitude if she says any of the following to you:

1. Sure, baby I'll swallow it all - I just love the taste.
2. Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?
3. That was a great fart! Do another one!!
4. I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
5. Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?
6. Say, lets go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses.
7. I'll start painting the house when I'm done cutting the grass.
8. Honey...our new neighbors' daughter is sunbathing again. Come see!!
9. I know it's a lot tighter back there, but would you please try again?!
10. No. No. I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
11. Your mother is way better than mine.
12. Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's day thing and buy new clubs for yourself.
13. I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head just for you!

If your lover girl says any one of these, then she's worthy of a Valentine's gift. If she says more than two or three of them, then consider yourself in Muslim Heaven. If she says all 13 of them, then pinch yourself, you're dreaming.

Thanks to reader B.W. for emailing me this list. This has been a Thursday 13 post [# 51] and is updated on some Thursdays.