13 Weird and Wacky Signs for Muslims from Planck's Constant

The past decade has seen an explosion (no pun intended) of Muslim immigrants to the Western World. Sadly, the cultural divide between Muslims and infidels sometimes leads to misunderstandings and even violence.

In the sign we see here, Muslims are informing infidels that it would be appreciated it if they would kindly refrain from drinking alcohol or kissing each other.

Similarly, to help prevent the occurrence of SIDS (Sudden Islamic Death Syndrome), authorities in the various European countries have posted signs to help Muslims understand how certain things are done or not done in civilized countries. However, some of these signs may not be easily understood by my fellow Americans and so I have taken it upon myself to translate these signs into plain English.

Here for your edification are 13 Weird and Wacky Signs for Muslims with my translation underneath [Please note these are actual signs found throughout the world]:

You are no longer in Bangladesh [or Pakistan or Somalia, etc.], please pee and poop in lavatories. Please see Sign number 2 below.

It is not necessary to squat on top of the toilet. In the modern world we ask you to sit directly on the toilet bowl.

If you find Jewish children wandering around, Do Not feed them to zoo animals. In many parts of Europe it is considered a crime to kill Jews. Please check with local authorities.

Western women sometimes walk around provocatively, despite that, it is not allowed to fondle their breasts without first asking permission or reaching a mutually agreed upon price for the privilege.

If you become offended with any Christian or Jew, we beg that you not torture, burn, or harm them in any way.

If you are Muslim from Somalia, Algeria, Turkey, Saudi Arabia, or any other country, this sign is actually meant for you.

If you are a thieving Muslim child of the Black persuasion, you are asked to not come into this neighborhood. Nothing personal.

When you finish your meal, it is considered impolite to let gas escape from your anus. The only exception is if an infidel pulls on your index finger.

Muslim visitors to our zoo are kindly asked not to abuse the animals.

While driving through our fine city, we ask that you disable all explosive devices on top of your vehicle.

Muslims who Honor Kill their wives or daughters are asked not to dispose of their bodies in sewers or public waterways as this tends to clog the pipes.

Muslims are welcome to ice skate on this lake - but only in winter.

This neighborhood has been designated as a No-Go area for infidels. Muslims are free to kidnap, rape, torture and hold for ransom any Christians or Jews who venture here. [Signs like this are very popular in Malmo, Sweden; Paris, France; and London, UK]