Muslim Knock Knock Jokes
By Bernie on 09 Jul 2010
Sadly, there are practically no knock knock jokes in Islam. One reason could be that if you hear a knock on your door in many Muslim neighborhoods the next sound you hear is BOOM! So asking "Who's there?" might be your last words.
Since there aren't any Muslim knock knock jokes, I am forced to offer plain old Muslim jokes.
I would like to mention that in 2005, prior to my blog articles on Muslim jokes, there were fewer than 1,000 results returned if you googled "Muslim Jokes." By May of 2009 and more than 25 joke posts later a similar search yielded more than 4,400 entries, a good 10% of which linked back to my Muslim Joke collection [see my post Even More Offensive Muslim jokes].
I am happy to report that one can now get 22,000 results with that same search query. The top two results point to my most popular posts on Muslim jokes and almost everyone else on the top page links back to me.
In response to my previous Muslim jokes I have received hundreds of complaints asking why I am so mean to Muslims - why do I have to make fun of them. Here is a great explanation:
Dr. Sanity, LOOKING FOR HUMOR IN THE MUSLIM WORLD
The healthiest kind of humor is the kind that allows an outlet for pain and at the same time gives pleasure. It deflates without destroying; and exposes our pretensions before they are taken too seriously. The painful feelings that often underlie humor if expressed another way would be destructive or eat away at the soul. In this way, humor can be as redemptive as the most creative artistic endeavor.
That is to say, if we couldn't ridicule Muslims we'd be driven to killing them all. And as much as I'd like to see a world empty of Muslims, I am also opposed to unnecessary violence. So to keep all of us from getting too pent up with anger and frustration with Islam in general, here are a few more Muslim jokes to release the tension:
I just heard that the new government in Iraq will guide the nation forward into the eleventh century.
An Amish farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking from his pond. The Amish man shouts: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen," which means: "Don't drink the water; the cows have crapped in it."
The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."
The Amish man says: "Use two hands, you'll get more."
What has 8 legs and 48 teeth? Ahmed's four wives.
Q: Why don't Muslims go out drinking?
A: Why should they when they can get bombed at home?
Some Muslims in London are moaning that there are not enough Muslims on the telly. The BBC agreed and will now be showing CrimeWatch 3 times a week.
Q. Why do seagulls have wings?
A. To beat the Muslims to the garbage dump.
Ahmed has been on a religious pilgrimage for weeks. Exhausted, he stops at a brothel, drops 500 dollars on the table and demands a stinky room, the ugliest woman in the house and some moldy hummus with stale pita.
The owner says "Sahib, for that money you can have my finest suite, the most charming of my ladies, and a three course meal." Ahmed replies, "That's OK - I'm not horny, I'm just homesick."
Q: What has long blond hair, huge breasts, and is currently living in a cave in Greenland?
A: Salman Rushdie.
Q: What will most Muslims in this country eventually be asked?
A:"Will the defendant please rise?"
4 people in the carriage of a train - a Jew, a pretty young blond, an ugly old woman and a Muslim.
It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel.
In the dark there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from the tunnel the Muslim is rubbing his face, and there's a huge red mark on his cheek.
The old lady thinks "I bet that Muslim fondled the blond in the dark and she slapped him"
The pretty young blond thinks " I bet the Muslim tried to fondle me in the dark, got the old lady by mistake, and she hit him".
The Muslim thinks "I bet that dirty Jew fondled the blond in the dark, but the blond thought it was me and hit me"
The Jew thinks "I hope there's another tunnel coming up soon so I can slap that Muslim moron again.
Osama Bin Laden came to his cave one day and saw this graffito: "OSAMA F*CKS Goats" on the group toilet wall. "It's a lie, " Osama yelled out to his fellow mujahideen, "The goat backed into me, while I was relieving myself at the edge of the mountain."
A Somali arrives in London.
He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says: "Thank you Mr. Englishman for letting me, my wife and my 15 children into this country, for giving me free housing, free food stamps, free medical care, free education and the wonderful benefits system!"
The passerby shrugs him off, saying: "I am Lebanese."
The Somali continues on his way, encounters another passerby and says: "Thank you Englishman for having such a beautiful country here in England!"
The passerby shrugs him off, saying: "I am not English, I am from Pakistan!"
Further on, the Somali grabs another chap by the hand and thanks him too, only to be told that the person he had accosted was from Iran.
Eventually, after much more of this "I'm not English" stuff, our Somali finally spies a nice, old lady whom he believes must be English.
He asks, "Are you an English?"
She replies, "No, I am from Iraq!"
Puzzled and slightly exasperated by this time, he asks her: "Where are all the English people then?"
At which point, the old lady checks her watch and says: "AT WORK."
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