Photo Credit: Getty Images

In previous articles I have ranted about airline passengers who horde more elbow room, footrests, and other meager spaces than allotted to them by the airlines as well as complained about flyers who misuse their reclining seats.

Today I'd like to discuss stinkies - flyers who have body odors or bring stinky items with them to the plane.

First let me say that I can usually put up with mild odors if the flight is short enough, for example, I fly to Disney World in Orlando every other year and the flight is only two and a half hours long. Then every year I get free airfare to Las Vegas courtesy of Caesars Entertainment with a flight-time of about 5 hours depending on whether I'm coming or going, so that's still bearable.

But when I traveled to India the time entombed inside the plane came to more than 14 hours. That's too long to be able to endure stinkies.

Want specific examples of stinkies? Consider:

• Bare feet

  I'll admit that on long flights my shoes definitely come off, but my socks stay on. And I certainly don't place them on armrests. Because I know I'll be keeping my tootsies free and cool, I make sure to add some foot powder before my flight. It would be nice if others did as well.




---



• Farts

  There are certain protocols to follow a day or two before a long flight. Avoid eating stewed cabbages, over-ripe fruit, and if you're lactose intolerant, don't take in any dairy products. But sometimes gas can build up in your nether regions; if that happens, I head to the toilet and release the pressure there.

  I recall reading about a passenger who wanted a coffee packet to sit on to muffle the sound of his passing gas. Squeaking one out quietly while seated next to passengers doesn't make it more polite. At least let it go with gusto and bravado so we can be alerted to head for the hills or to the other end of the plane.




---



• Smelly Food

  Curried two-week old shrimp should not be brought onto any public transportation, but especially an airplane. At least on a bus or train the rest of us passengers can hurl you and your smelly-ass food-plate off at the next stop. Sure, airport fast-food can be expensive, forcing you to pack your own, but consider our noses as well as your wallet.




---



• Puke

  I get it, some people get airsick. However the smell of vomit may induce others to puke as well so if you know that, then at least prepare for it before the trip. Pop one or two motion sickness pills at least a few hours before the flight (but read my disclaimer below).




---



• Cigarette Smoke

  Yes, I know that smoking is forbidden on planes, but heavy smokers still have cigarette stink all over their clothes and body. It would be courteous if smokers would kindly wear freshly laundered clothing and shower before taking a flight.




---



• Body Odor

  I understand that some travelers are stuck taking connecting flights and unable to wash up between transfers, but this is why I carry baby wipes (unscented) with me so that I can freshen up on long flights. Unless you weigh 400 pounds it's not that difficult to deodorize oneself in the restroom.




---



• Perfumes, colognes and scented deodorants

  I have previously written a post about women who over-apply perfume in my article 13 Violations of Public Etiquette (see item #9); however encountering these malodorous, stinking, fetid miscreants on a bank line for a few minutes is slightly bearable, but enduring their putrid stink for a few hours without a means of escape, is another.

  Please ladies, and gents, forego perfume on airplanes.

I ignore for the purposes of this article the smell of burnt aviation kerosene, disinfectants or pesticides used by crew prior to departure or any other odor not the fault of passengers. However I am opposed to airlines using Signature Fragrances to give their airplanes a distinctive aroma in a misguided attempt to increase their bookings.

I have been lucky enough not to have been exposed to odors bad enough to necessitate a seat switch, if one is available. One should remember that the overhead air spout can be a life saver in these situations.

Of course, there is always the ultimate solution:

Flickr-User: Gael

If there is any odor I missed, let me know in the comment section.