Funny Muslim Jokes

By Bernie on 11 May 2010

Former Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf had this to say about his fellow Muslims: "Today we are the poorest, the most illiterate, the most backward, the most unhealthy, the most un-enlightened, the most deprived, and the weakest of all the human race..."

With respect to his sentiments, I believe humor illustrates this terrible pathology of ignorance, primitivity, disease, unemployment, welfare dependency, barbarity, crime, and terror better than exposition. Therefore - it's time again for even more offensive Muslim jokes.

Sign on a toilet seat protector dispenser in any country filled with Muslim immigrants: "Quotations from the Qur'an."

Q. Did you hear about the Muslim who stepped in a pile of camel dung and started crying?
A. He thought he was melting.

A Muslim walked into a coffee-shop with a duck under his arm. The clerk saw this and said, "Hey, what are you doing coming in here with a pig?" The Muslim answered, "This is not a pig; it's a duck." The clerk answered back: "I was talking to the duck!"

A Muslim walked into his mosque with camel-dung in his hands and complained to the Imam, "Look what I almost stepped in!"

Q. How can you tell if you're in a Muslim neighborhood?
A. By the toilet paper hung out to dry.

Q. How do you know when a Muslim has been in your back yard?
A. Your garbage is gone and your goat is pregnant.

The first Muslim spacecraft was put into orbit with two astronauts. One of them took a space walk to repair something on the exterior of the spacecraft. When he was done he knocked on the airlock's inner door. And the other Muslim asked, "Who's there?"

The first prize in the Muslim Miss Universe contest was a week in Pakistan. The second prize was two weeks in Pakistan. [Read my article Muslim Miss Universe Contest]

Q. What does a Muslim use to clean salad bowls?
A. A toilet bowl brush.

Q. What does the bride wear at a Muslim wedding?
A. Something old, something black, something borrowed, something black.

Q. What's the biggest problem at Muslim garbage dumps?
A. Shoplifting.

Q. What's the most useless thing on a Muslim woman?
A. A Muslim man.

Q. Why is there glass in front of monkey cages at Muslim zoos?
A. Muslims think the word monkey means Jew and proceed to throw shit at them.

Q: Have you seen an Iranian mine detector?
A. It's a young Muslim boy with his fingers in his ears stomping the ground with his foot (1).

Iran is outfitting their pilots with new automatic parachutes - they open on impact.

Q: What's delaying every Muslim nation from having a space program?
A: Development of a working match.
A. Islam.
A. Muslims can't help crashing their spaceships into tall buildings.

Q: What happens when a Muslim doesn't pay his garbage bill?
A: They stop delivering.



Planck's Constant, Israel Takes the Fun out of Shooting Down Planes

Iran, on the other hand, is known for its complete disregard of thousands of Iranian children who were used as human mine detectors. During the Iran/Iraq war in the 80's, Iran gave "Passports to Paradise" to adolescents who cleared mine fields by running across them. They were promised that by detecting a mine with their bodies, their souls would automatically go to heaven. Ah, Muslim science at its highest.

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